I think my 4 YO might be ODD too.  :(  Feeling very overwhelmed.

What punishment to you give for bad behavior? My 3 year old has not been diagnosed but chances are very good that she has ADHD, I have ADD and her father has ADHD and dyslexia, and half my family too. She won’t sit in the naughty corner or stay in the room either, so I take away a favourate toy, or stop a favourate activity or take away her Television privileges, that seems to work for us, I still get tantrums but just mentioning what the punishment would be usually gets her to behave.

Have you talked about the behavior with your peditrican or therapist?  You do not mention if they are on meds. I would discuss these behaviors, first with their doctor and then seek the advice and help of therapist.  There may be some other under lying behavior issue like ODD.  Keep us posted.

I do take away privileges and toys.  But the problem is that I can’t get away from them. I need a time out sometimes but they follow me around screaming at me and sometimes hitting me. The 4 YO will not stop hitting no matter what I do until I ignore it. I need to talk to somenone. Talking to the child psychologist at the school today.

Is your daughter on meds? That is where I would go first to your pediatrician to see if meds might help. My son is infinitely more cooperative when he’s on meds. My other suggestion is to invest in a treadmill or bundle your daughter up and let her play in the snow. Get her a sled or a block mold and ask her to go out to build an igloo. I did that when I was little. Its lots of fun. Snow skulptures are fun too. Just be sure to have her come in once every 45 minutes or so to make sure she isn’t frostbitten.

Oh hunny I hear you! Normal discilinary techniques just don’t work with ADHD/ODD kids & besides it seems they THRIVE on the adrenaline rush of the upheaval they are causing in the home anyway! Even when we have locked our daughter in her room, she destroyed it while in there, which then leaves you with something ELSE to have to discipline now…it just keeps building & the kid keeps upping the ante until the only option left for you as a parent would be considered child abuse! I understand!!!
  I would most definitely try meds but also have been researching natural remedies & found that Zinc & Niacin seem to help a great deal. I read a free online book at the website http://www.doctoryourself.com. Scroll down on the left to the link for “Bad Behavior” and it will lead you to a page for a book called “Bad Behavior is Caused by Biochemical Illness” or something like that. It was amazing & very, very helpful.
  I wish I had magical techniques that worked that I could pass on to you, but it is very hard to control children like this. The best I can give you is a heavy dose of understanding! ((Hugs!))

My 5 year old is like that.  He is always bored and can never occupy himself on anything.  He runs all over the house practically bouncing off of the walls. 

I give him things to do..not regular things.  Like adult chores.  He has to be occupied all of the time.
Laundry he loves sorting, folding.
Dishes-I fill up the sink with soapy water and he will wash and wash for hours
He is a doer.  Always having to be busy, and he likes the feeling of accomplishment which helps his very cranky, mean moods that he has alot of the time.
That the only thing that I have found to work.
I can’t ever relax though because he won’t
I feel for you.

I can really relate to this. Time outs, taking things away, nothing works for my daughter when she is in that state and I have come to realize that it is because she really DOES NOT know how to regulate her emotions yet. She has recently started adderall which I think helps. Sometimes we have to hold her and tell her if she can’t keep her body and property safe we need to help. I got some help from a therapist in order to learn proper restraining. We have tried talking about things she can do when she is calm, i.e. hitting pillows, ripping paper, but those go out the window when she’s having a tantrum. Empathizing seems to help. I tell her I can see she is really bored, mad, etc. And I just keep reflecting that back to her. I don’t give in, but just keep saying I know you’re really really mad I won’t let you watch tv, or whatever it is. It feels so terrible to feel that mad, etc. I have heard that kids with adhd are behind developmentally so they will catch up. I can already see my 7 year old is making progress. Hang in there and know you are not alone!

Time Out does work for explosive kids, but it sounds like you need a child psychiatrist to FIRST get your child on the proper medication. There are so many of them, that if one doesn’t work, he will try another.

When your child is calm, explain Time Out to her. It is to HELP her and the time she’s given won’t start until she’s quiet. Show her a cookie-type timer and tell her her 5 mins. doesn’t start until she is quiet so she can hear the “ding.” Tell her she’ll get one warning to stop the behavior.

If she doesn’t get quiet and serve her T.O. in a half hour, tell her her T.O. is over, but she’s going to bed a half-hour early. And be sure to do that. Have her get ready for bed right after supper and before TV (good idea for both girls) so she can’t delay her bedtime.

Remember, T.O.should be the REMOVAL of all attention, which is what kids want (whether it’s negative or positive). Be an actor. Don’t let her know you’re ticked off. You’re in charge, remember.

Child proof your bathroom for the T.O. area. If she plays with the water or makes a mess, she must clean it up or stay there until she does. If you don’t get tough now, she very well could develop ODD if she hasn’t already.

When she needs a T.O., put her in the child-proofed bathroom. If you have to carry her there or hold the door shut or lock it the first couple times, do it. Remind her (if she’ll listen) that she needs to be quiet and think or you can’t start the timer.

It would be VERY HELPFUL! if Dad, partner, or friend is with you when you start this, as it can be tough emotionally as well as physically. However, it usually only takes one or two T.O.‘s with you totally in charge for the child to accept them and serve their minutes appropriately.

Another important thing: The advantage of Time Out is that she can’t do anything else but sit out of your sight and be BORED. She is not allowed to make noise or talk to you. My kids sat on the stairs when I gave them T.O. and told me when grown up it was the punishment they hated most.

IMPORTANT: give her the T,O. BEFORE she is way out of control. Maybe she’s being fresh or refusing to comply or getting angry. If it progresses, things will be much harder. Give her 5 minutes Time Out for “not listening”, “disrespect to Mom” or whatever 1 or 2 behaviors are the worst.

Tell her she must be quiet when in T.O. or you’ll set the timer back up to five minutes every time she talks, sings, etc. This eliminates the mind games and retaliation by the child.

Keep a record (even dashes on a paper if you don’t like charts) of how many T.O.‘s she gets a day.
You can reward or consequence based on number of T.O.‘s and both you and she can see how much she improves. It helps if your partner or anyone caring for her uses the same system, including out of the house!
Patricia H. Aust: CT Task Force on ADHD; author of HYPER HARRY for kids 8-12 (available at Amazon.com and the Kindle Store).

I have a son who can be quite explosive at times. I know it can be so overwhelming and exhausting.  I mainly want to mention a fabulous resource that has helped me and many friends I have.  Kirk Martin does workshops and has cds for sale that are just fabulous. He also has a wonderful newsletter and is very personable and available. I would highly recommend you check out his website to see what may resonate with you.  http://www.celebratecalm.com 
If there are certain situations that repeatedly bring explosive behavior perhaps you can avoid some of the intensity by preparing ahead of time - perhaps making a list with her when she’s calm (with pictures if needed) of 25+ (?) indoor activities she can do and calmly direct her to that list when she’s “bored” and not engage in her need for stimulation (in her hopes to have an intense dialogue to stimulate her brain).  Think of her underlying need - is she feeling out of control? physically unsettled? craving structure? needing stimulation? and see if you can meet that need without getting too sucked into how she is presenting that. When I can meet my son’s NEED with patience and empathy and MORE patience it’s typically much shorter. But not easy. Not easy at all. Lots of deep breathing on my part and every so often a glass of wine is lovely. (for me)   When I can’t maintain my sense of calm then I’m just feeding the fire.  Best of luck to you. We’ll be struggling with this alongside you!