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ADHD in Women

One more thing..My ex girlfriend with ADHD and more, question?


Hi
it was magic, we met, the chemistry was beyond amazing. She was so interested. no question we were in love. Though only six months together, it was amazing. She drinks every day, I was very concerned. Suddenly, a switch went off with her. lots of back and forth, always said, she wanted to leave the door open for dating others but didn’t until the near end. I am 20 years older. she lives at home. she cannot handle day to day life. I helped with all of it. she thinks I am the most amazing guy in every way, but she moved on. no contact. just so odd for me, I have done so much research on ADHD to the point of exhaustion.
On my side, for some reason women are very attracted to me. When the two of us would go out, women always check me out. I am used to it and ignore it but my ex would clearly get off on it. I said, I know but I love you and only you. but for some strange reason it gave her a thrill. why?

please help me understand a bit more? I care about her so much and miss her a lot. She really captured my heart for all of her good and not so good.

Replies

Depression a lot of times goes along with ADD. Sometimes people with depression are promiscuous.
Maybe the thought of you being with other women kept it thrilling for her?

Many people with ADHD also need stimulation to keep going. When I was younger I would go from one relationship to another but didn’t know why. Now I know why.

Even though she may have loved you she wasn’t ready to settle down because it became mundane? For us “doing” different things sometimes isn’t enough stimulation. For me, a big change was needed or drama.

Of course, I do not know either of you but this is from what I know to be true and my experience.

I hope this helps.

Posted by Tinybluemoon on Feb 19, 2014 at 3:23pm

Is she getting appropriate and sufficient treatment for her adhd? Drinking is a self medication to calm down vthat usually just leads to problems)and creating “drama” is to create the stimulation this disorder creates a need for. Not being medicated properly or messing it up with alcohol is only going to increase the chances of bad habits, behavior and impulsively (like cheating/lying, etc.)

Posted by llc on Feb 22, 2014 at 3:47am

Wow, Thanks a lot for your comments. I felt alone with this issue. so your comments have helped me. It’s sad for me to know how much we enjoyed each others company and my natural ability to deal with all of this. yet it just wasn’t good enough. Upon deeper reading, I learned why she could never be on time, challenges with work and more. As for her relationships they don’t seem to last, although, she claims they were all good. She also claims she has broken some hearts but there was one that crushed her for years. As I write this, I am realizing i would never receive the cosistant tenderness we all deserve. that side it’s terribly odd, since we were so very close…

Posted by cplts on Feb 26, 2014 at 2:59am

she is 34 years old, is there anyway for her to manage her life, emotionally and all other aspects? Like the understanding of thrill seeking and to understand what we had was so very special? Or is it, instead, this is the way of her life, for ever. what happens when her parents pass? who will take care of her if she can’t take care of herself? How will she manage? what will happen with her drinking and all the meds she takes? i guess, I will always be there for her but at the same time, it seems to me in a very subtle way. from just below the surface I understand but I am not in her shoes. I can only help support if she asks? she makes so many bad choices and is always hurting herself in many ways. so sad

Posted by cplts on Feb 26, 2014 at 6:06pm

Cplts,

I can see from your description how much you care about her and she possibly feels or felt deeply about you too. However given her problems, do you think that part of you really wants to “fix” her? So that she can be with you just like a “normal” woman would? Yes she has a lot of problems but she is also an adult who made the decision to leave. I think you should respect that. You probably wish she told you why she left and that you could at least have a serious discussion about your relationship and her problems. But she has to agree to do that. If she doesn’t I’m afraid there isn’t much you can do. Sorry pal I feel for you. Please do update us if the relationship or your feeling about it changes.

Posted by Lady Yoda on Mar 01, 2014 at 8:21pm

Lady Yoda, Yeah, I wish she was straight up with me, I bet she wishes the same. That said, I have totally let go.. In retrospect, she was probably bored silly after the third month. Nothing to do with me.

I am much happier now. Not SEEKING but met a lady, far younger than my ex and very stable. Big difference. The younger thing has me completely confused. I am NOT seeking younger women, just happens. I just decided that I could not keep myself isolated any longer and began going out at night. So, If there is a woman on this site help me understand the older guy thing, I would be grateful.

Posted by cplts on Mar 01, 2014 at 10:22pm

wow, well, I discovered she is burning through guys and maybe women lovers like water. just in 90 days. She must drink everyday and there is no stopping her. she sabotaged us. Her closure with me was a quick 10 word email, claiming she only viewed us as friends. 6 months many nights sleeping in my bed, absoulte lovers and friends, and this is what I am told. I had to laugh, so I did cry. I am watching her go down in flames and feel like I am the only one that sees this happening. More speeding tickets 4 in 2 months. There is nothing I can do.
Here

Posted by cplts on Mar 25, 2014 at 1:04am

Multiple—or even many—sexual partners in a 90 day period is not in and of itself a problem. What matters is why. If she wants to keep it casual, there’s nothing wrong with that. If things are exploding left and right, that’s another issue, but one that as an ex, you want to be very careful addressing. It is very easy for that to come off as jealousy (or come from a place of the same, even if you actually are worried).

How did you discover this? It doesn’t sound like the news came from her. If that’s the case, you really don’t know if that’s what even is happening. That kind of gossip is ridiculously common, and tied to the idea that female sexuality is bad/pathological. As such, it’s a fairly popular method of taking a woman down a peg.

The other issues are definitely issues, however. Exactly how close are you guys right now? Does she have any support network in place aside from you? How comfortable do you feel taking up that role, and more importantly, how comfortable is she with the idea?

Posted by NeuroD on Mar 25, 2014 at 3:38am

Yes, I agree I can’t mention a thing. I believe I can only hope she figures it out before it’s too late for her.

Yes, the news came from her via casual conversation and more. It was direct. This contradicts how she presents herself and her beliefs, I think,. The scary part is that all of this happens during drinking. During the day, she does not drink, that said during the day, she mostly down, or rushing, or forgetting…  The drinking begins around 5pm and is out of control and coupled with the Addarall and other meds offers a big concern. I am very concerned for her safety and the saftey of others. She drives drunk and very fast. This is a HUGE CONCERN. She forgets the details from the night before.

Am I jealous? no. this is not the person I met..Do I want her back as is, No way. Would I love for her to be better, yes. would I love for her to be better and the person i met, and be with me, double yes. , Am I concerned, yep you bet. I am very concerned. Sadly, i believe I am the only one who sees it, and can’t tell anyone who is close to her. Everyone will take it as you suggested. It’s hopeless to help

Posted by cplts on Mar 25, 2014 at 4:48am

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