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My mom blames herself...

I am 27 and I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. My mom tends to blame herself for not getting me help when I was a child. She didn’t believe I had ADHD when I was growing up, she just thought I was a enthusiastic, energetic, and curious child who loved to be around people. I am successful in my life so far-went to college, then grad school, got my master’s degree, and I have a full-time job. I am having some trouble trying to explain to her that it isn’t her fault. Has anyone experienced this with their parents and are willing to share what they did/said to them??

Replies

As a Mom, I have things I wish I would have done.  I have had to accept that I did the best I could at the time.  I’ve learned a lot that I wish I would have known much earlier.  But I’ve pretty much accepted that I didn’t know then what I know now.  It is a hard thing to accept though.  I chose to give myself grace for the past and help where I can now.  It’s much healthier for me. 

My advice would to be show her this post, tell her you love her and forgive her for any mistakes she might have made, then ask her to love and forgive herself, and give her a big hug.

Congratulations on getting through school and doing well at your job.  That is a great accomplishment for anyone, and and ADHD’er especially. =)

Posted by whizinc on Jul 15, 2014 at 5:52pm

I was 5 when I was diagnosed hyperkinetic. Back then they didn’t really treat it with anything except a firm hand and strict rules for behavior. They always said I would outgrow it when I hit puberty.  When my boy was diagnosed 12 years ago they acted like they were telling us he had cancer and were appalled when I just laughed and said “oh well now we have something to work with”. His mom didn’t know I had the condition and thought it was her fault for about 10 minutes. I explained to her exactly what it is and what our challenges were going to be.

Your mom did a great job on you as you have made it so far without dropping off. Try to explain to her this thing is like a crap shoot in the genetic lottery. My paternal family history has this and also includes epilepsy and diabetes for just about every male. I was fortunate to dodge the other 2. I don’t have the doom and gloom outlook on this thing, I see and use a lot of the positive aspects.

Posted by Meathead on Jul 17, 2014 at 10:38am

I got the full gamut of testing as a child, and didn’t get the diagnosis, even though I should have.  This was in 1984, so I don’t know if it was as widely diagnosed. I just got diagnosed at 37 after my 5 year old son did.  He is me. My mom was still kind of in denial but conceded perhaps she had ADHD too.  We can’t choose our genetics, and back then they didn’t have access to the information, the research etc they have now.  If a doctor said “they are fine” that was it.  I too have been successful academically and in my relationships.  However, I’m a hot mess. Classic ADHD.  Always in trouble as a kid.

Posted by DoseyWosie on Aug 01, 2014 at 8:34pm

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