Parents of ADHD Children
New Member Needs Advice
After three years of “issues” at school, a pediatrician suggested we take the test for our son. It came back inconclusive/borderline (4 yes, 4 no). This prompted the school counselor to say “I always suspected he might have ADHD”—which prompted us to ask why she never spoke up. We’ve since had more testing/analysis done and have confirmed his ADHD diagnosis w/ oppositional and depressive hallmarks. After 3 years of therapy we finally have somewhere to focus on. But where do we go from here? He’s 12 now and I feel we’ve lost valuable time b/c those in a position to see, stayed silent. We do not speak with him w/o being yelled at or insulted. We cannot have a pleasant conversation at all. And don’t get me started on homework or school. It is a volcanic subject as is his little brother. The brother seems the crucible for all his feelings and is constantly physically and emotionally assaulted by his older brother. My wonderfully sweet child is surly, angry, and says I am “evil and hateful and don’t show him an ounce of caring or understanding.” Yet hugs are met with “why are you touching me you creep” and kisses are rejected outright (“your breath smells like a sewer get away from me”). Just tonight, my offer to take him to a book store was met with such rage I cannot explain. While many of these are manipulative outbursts to evade whatever is frustrating him at the time (tonight getting caught playing video games after his max 1 hour was up), it is destroying what relationship we have left as we do not know how to deal with it. He can’t talk to us to help us understand what he’s feeling b/c he doesn’t know either. Therapy isn’t helping b/c he won’t actually engage in the process and “I tell him what he wants to hear.” House rules mean nothing because “they don’t apply to me b/c I don’t like them.” And meds are limited as he has a slight tick and we can’t use stimulants (and so far Strattera has had no discernible impact). At this point, ADHD is bleeding into puberty and I’m not sure who is going to come out the other side of the transition. Will I have a son or a stranger I need to fear? I know folks here have gone through this and I’m looking for tips on what I can do differently b/c speaking calmly oddly escalates his volcanic temper more than shouting (which he seems to crave like candy) and punishments don’t do anything b/c he never learns from them “b/c I don’t want to learn from them.” Everything we have tried has failed. Where do we go from here? I need him to survive middle school and not destroy the relationships that matter most.
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