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I sit here trying to figure out what to say. I am 48 now and most of my 40’s have seem to be a disaster. After taking the time to research this topic I noticed clues that led me back to my childhood. My grades were poor. I only had a couple of friends. I was picked on a lot, although I was a big guy. I was and am very emotional but I know I am not gay. I could fix or trouble shoot anything. I felt, if you gave me the plans to the space shuttle, I could build it. I was a loner in high school and barely graduated. I drank and did things I believed to be normal at that time. I tried to go to college multiple times but either stopped going to class or lost interest. I have worked in the same career field for over 20 years and the same employer. Any job I held before that, I excelled and or go bored of it. I have been married for over 23 years. My 40’s have been difficult. I have tried to move into management. I have taken on so much work to prove myself. I believe they have caught on to my problem. They would fail at something and talk about it in front of me knowing I would step up and take it on. I can’t say no to helping anyone. I can’t watch anything fail. It all seems like my responsibility. I am completely overwhelmed at this time. Paralyzing! Things are slowly failing which makes me feel incompetent. So recently I am trying to go back to school. Engineering- 3 classes a semester. I now notice my attention span stops me from studying. I can read a sentence and by the end of it, I can’t remember what I just read. I meet people and immediately forget their names. I rush through the day not stopping to talk to anybody but trying to get as much as I can done. I am exploding with stress and anxiety. Quitting coffee has helped.
  There’s more….but is this it? Is this having ADD?

Replies

Have you been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist who specializes in learning disabilities. I f not I would strongly recommend it. If you are going back to school you may want to take advantage of ADHD medications to help you stay focused on your school work. You will need a diagnoses in order buy medications, you also will want to have a doctor that has experience with ADHD meds. 
I am 53 and was not diagnosed until I was 42.

Posted by Rancher John on Dec 18, 2013 at 3:06pm

Thank you. The hard part is finding someone who concentrates in this field. I live in the Poughkeepsie NY area. I am willing to go 100 miles in any direction. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Posted by 2divein2 on Dec 19, 2013 at 1:12pm

My friend, I love it ... your questions, your desire for more! Do you have ADHD? Probably. Maybe. Perhaps. You wrote about your life and some of those symptoms/problems match for an ADD diagnosis. Check out Dr Hallowell’s web site, I’m sure he has one of those 20 questions quiz about ADHD, Don’t worry about getting the opinion of some MD (master of domination) - except if you want to go the route of getting some drugs. And really avoid the Psychiatrists: oh I’m sure there are some with knowledge/compassion who are helpful, but mostly it’s like dealing with a politician; all ideology.
You are the best expert on you! Way to go. Most people just accept whatever hand is dealt them. So keep asking questions. Do research. If you could build the space shuttle, you are probably ADD, opps, I mean you can figure out if you are ADD—
LOL - I always say of myself, that I could get a nuclear plant fixed and running (then I started to watch “The Simpsons”, duh)
Anyway, sounds like you are an engineer. (Sorry but you will have to get into touchy/feely shit at some point), but I would highly recommend your first reads on ADD be “Scattered Minds” by Dr. Gabor Mate. Dr. Hallowells’s books are the litmus test classics, and you need to check them out, but for a engineer/analyzer/questioner type of mind, start with Gabor Mate.

Posted by HenryC on Dec 20, 2013 at 7:02am

Thanks for the advise and I will check out the book.

Posted by 2divein2 on Dec 20, 2013 at 1:59pm

As you mentioned you moved into management then How do you rate your decision making ? Table talks ?  Administrative skills ? Negotiation Skills ?

Posted by Burraak on Dec 22, 2013 at 11:57am

I tried to move into management. They kept feeding me lines and giving me more to do. I wasn’t assertive socially. I think that was my down fall. It was and is a very toxic atmosphere that does not create a positive social norm. Actually there is no social norm. My decision making is good when I do the proper research and the proper request are made. Sometimes you have to tell people what they want to know. Administrative and negotiating skills are horrible because of anxiety and confidence. I know I can do well and will. That’s why I am researching ADHD and I am going back to school. It is difficult concentrating and studying.

Posted by 2divein2 on Dec 22, 2013 at 5:29pm

I asked because I have ADHD and I always found it difficult when it comes to
decision making,Table talks,Administrative skills, Negotiation Skills
Bad decision making even if I have proper knowledge of something the sudden urges overcome the the path toward right decision also the poor short term memory makes it difficult to learn from past experience and apply it to new situation,
In Table talks I always went blank and short of words, Administrative skills 0 cannot handle normal humans for long time, Negotiation skills are 0
Just wanted to share this with u

Posted by Burraak on Dec 23, 2013 at 12:43pm

Yes ...exactly the same thing. I can trouble shoot any situation. I work really well under pressure with deadlines and timelines. I can put plans together. When it comes to meetings I fold. I know the material inside and out but than I can’t produce. Yet when there are problems usually I am the one the comes through. I am not diagnosed but I am trying to find out how. Through much research what we have is not a bad thing. Its a talent. Its only bad when the situation you work in does not except it. I think that’s why many of us are scientists or engineers. What do you do?

Posted by 2divein2 on Dec 26, 2013 at 12:05pm

I can so relate to your journey as posted. The good, the bad and the ugly (internally and externally) that accumulates along the way and deadends at OMG, my hard drive needs more RAM to function effectively.

ADD or not there is a lot to say for the following acronym ...
K.I.S.S. - Keep It Simple Stupid

No offense intended. There is one thing us ADDers are self-aware of and quite proud of, yet most fail to appreciate. That being…

We are not stupid, crazy or insane. We are gifted, talented, spirited and much deserving of respect, acceptance, understanding and supportive attitudes.

IMO diagnosing or confirming whether or not you are ADD isn’t nearly as important right now as taking a hard look at what responsibilities/obligations you can unload from your life or delegate to others.

Simplifying will restore peace and harmony ... in your life and within your mind. It worked for me anyway. Decisions will be hard, flexibility and compromise necessary. I believe you have the know how & strength to do it!

Posted by luvh8add on Dec 27, 2013 at 7:21pm

yes I’m also good and quick in problem solving & trouble shooting ,My performance is great under pressure as long as I feel my superior is supporting me,
I’m good in learning new things in no time (not every detail but good enough to level of power users)
I’m an IT professional I started my career as Software developer I was good in writing programs but couldn’t finish it because of lack of concentration and mode swings I left development and got into IT management job here I felt some air to breath also it was a small organization and I was the only one to handle everything related to IT with the help of out sourced service provider, this job worked like a charm for 5 years after that I got an executive highly paid job in corporate sector as a IT Department head that job lasted for 2 1/2 years it was my last job and this is where my short comings hurt me a lot, I was very strong technically, laying out plans & IT infrastructures but horribly failed in
“work politics” “table talks” “surprise presentations” I was also not very good in “Handling subordinates” 
Now I’m jobless for almost 3 years and no signs for another job

Posted by Burraak on Jan 08, 2014 at 1:16pm

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