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Hello everybody:  I am new to this group, having been recommended by my son’s developmental pediatrician to join an ADHD blog and get some support!

I have a special needs daughter with pervasive developmental disorder, ADD, and Asperger’s characteristics, as well as a son with ADHD.  I am obviously in need of support!

We live in a small town in the south, and when I try to advocate for my children within the school system, I am hitting many barriers.  Today I was told by our county school psychologist that there is no such thing as accommodations to allow my son to play sports with failing grades.  I wonder if anyone here has dealt with this situation?

I also wonder if anyone here is using an ADHD coach for their teen, and if it is working?  Can you tell me how to go about finding this, whether insurance covers it, and what it costs?

Thanks for hearing me out!

Replies

We used a couple of coaches for our then 21 yos. We found the first through the Hallowell Center and the second through a good friend. Neither coach worked because our son was not willing to follow through and do the work. We used the 1st very briefly so can’t speak to her effectiveness, but we used the 2nd for about 5-6 months. She tried her best and she was very good, but our son lied to her and simply didn’t want to do the work. He now thinks he doesn’t need a coach and can figure it out on his own. <sigh>

Insurance did not cover a single penny of the $150/week coaching. However, my friend did get some coverage for her son who was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, ADD, Asperger’s. Perhaps that’s why?

It may be easier to cajole/convince/force a teenager to work with a coach than a young adult. Good luck!

Posted by Mom2ADDSon on Dec 18, 2012 at 10:22pm

Hello and Welcome.. I am a single parent with a 15 yr old son with ADHD.. I am so aware of the barriers/defenses put up by the schools. esp in the upper grades.. I find it becomes harder.. I tend to agree with the school psychologist on the sports issue.. you do not say how old your son is.. Perhaps if sports is what he wants to do, he can get a tutor to aid in passing the classes(then the failing grades wont be an issue with the sports)  or join a local YMCA or outside group that does sports. There are many organizations who do competitive sports, not affiliated with the school district. I have not used a coach on a regular basis. My son was retested this past summer and was evaluated by a coach.. she saw him for two sessions and our insurance did cover 80% but it was part of a formal re-eval. I hope you get more responses from those using coaches.. I will follow the thread as I am interested in the pros and cons. Good luck to you..

Posted by sunnydays on Dec 18, 2012 at 10:22pm

Thanks for your replies.  My son is 14.  He has become averse to anything related to school.  At the same time, he really wants to do well, just can’t follow through. 

As I said, we saw a developmental pediatrician, and she said to go back to 4th and 5th grade workbooks to re-teach him the basics.  We are doing that every night, and he actually doesn’t seem to mind it.  It’s as if he is finally doing some schoolwork that he can be successful at.  Interestingly, I am seeing how he races through instructions and then gets subsequent answers wrong… or how he races through the actual work and makes careless mistakes - I would imagine this is ADHD related…

I also wonder if there is a connection between ADHD and lying… or is it just incidental?

Posted by telluride on Dec 19, 2012 at 12:55am

Heey, my name is Cat and I am fifteen, have ADHD, PTSD, and learning disabilities. I have a psychologist, medication, and ADHD coach. Yep I try everything. My psychologist and coach are really kind and helpful. I am doing much better in school because I no longer feel alone and depressed. I have an IEP and I love my life again. I felt so dumb and like I couldn’t be successful but now I have strategies in place and my life is slowly coming back together. Remember to take life one step at a time and you can never fail.

Posted by Catemily on Dec 19, 2012 at 5:34am

Oh sorry. I do tend to lie if it is in my best interests. I don’t know if it is ADHD related although I am pretty sure it is teen related. I lie mostly about getting my work done. I tend to just skip out on homework.

Posted by Catemily on Dec 19, 2012 at 5:38am

HiCat:  Thanks for your reply. My son is on medication (Concerta) and sees a therapist.  We just don’t have the ADHD coach yet… still looking.  I think my son feels unsuccessful too.  I’m glad to hear things are working so well for you!

Posted by telluride on Dec 19, 2012 at 11:44am

Hi telluride,

Welcome to ADDConnect! You mentioned that you are exploring the idea of hiring an ADHD coach to work with your teen. We have an article on ADDitudeMag.com, the Complete Guide to ADHD Coaching, which outlines what you need to know about hiring and working with a coach.

In addition, we have listings for ADHD coaches on the ADDitude Directory if you are interested in finding one in your area.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

-Kate
ADDConnect Community Moderator

Posted by ADDConnect Community Editor on Dec 19, 2012 at 3:08pm

Wow, thanks for that information.  I just read the article and followed the links and may have found a coach!

Posted by telluride on Dec 20, 2012 at 5:01am

Thanks for the interest in ADHD Coaching!  As a coach and coach trainer, I find that teenagers like the idea of coaching because the coach follows the teen’s lead, offering objective feedback and support. As parents, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to be objective. And, believe it or not, our teens WANT to please us.  Young adult children too.  Kate provided great information on coaching and finding a coach above. I do want to add that professionally trained coaches are not allowed to submit coaching fees to insurance companies. Therapists who are offering direct coaching services (not therapy) are not supposed to submit the fees to insurance.  If you have difficultly affording a coach, ask the coach if a sliding scale is available or if there are other coaches who might be able to offer that.  We do our best to offer coaching services to teens & young adults around the U.S.

Posted by Jodi Sleeper-Triplett on Dec 21, 2012 at 7:09pm

Hi Telluride

I’ve had at least 19 clients in the last year or so successfully use health savings plans and got reimbursement for my services. Not sure if that is an option for you, but depending on which type of HSP an individual has it is possible to use it.

As far as finding a coach a lot of coaches have listings at various sites. One in particular is noomii.com.

Once you find a coach you are interested in research them as much as possible. Look at their website, blog, and do an extensive Google search on them to see if any doctors have recommended them, etc.

It’s also helpful to find a coach that might have a specialization in what your needs are. Some coaches prefer working with adults, some kids, and some teens. In the end it all comes to down to comfort, “Does my son feel comfortable with this person?”

If the academic pedigree of the coach and comfort level are there for you and your son, looks like you might have a match.

Hope this helps and best of luck to you!

Posted by MikeNachman on Dec 21, 2012 at 7:46pm

Hi Mike,
You are correct about the FSA accounts. It varies but is worth investigating. SunnyDays mentioned health insurance and that can be confusing for many prospective client families. Additional resources for trained ADHD coaches: http://www.adhdcoaches.org (ACO), http://www.edgefoundation.org (Edge) and http://www.chadd.org (CHADD).

Happy holidays!

Posted by Jodi Sleeper-Triplett on Dec 21, 2012 at 8:00pm

Wow, great input everybody!  I have my work cut out for me!

Wondering if anyone has experience with or information on getting sports included in an IEP or 504.  My son excels in athletics but is not allowed to play team sports because of his grades.  I am being told that sports are considered extracurricular and that IEP’s don’t apply…. Yet his developmental pediatrician says it is essential that he be allowed to play. 

Input?

Posted by telluride on Dec 22, 2012 at 3:01am

I’d like to share a positive ADHD coach story.  My son dropped out of a small private college that we thought would be great for him after a semester and a half (many reasons, mostly social).  In order to move forward, he needed to figure out what to do with his life.  He worked with a licensed therapist for 8 mos and made no progress in “moving fwd”.  I decided to hire an ADHD coach instead.  I found 2 locally and spoke with both on the phone.  Then he went to meet them alone and chose the one that HE felt most comfortable with.  In addition to ADHD-inattentive type, he also has dyslexia, slow processing speed, executive functioning issues and social anxiety.  While he doesn’t have Aspergers, he has some of the characteristics.  She began the relationship by having him develop a contract with us for “living at home” so he fully understood his responsibilities.  Whenever he’s not making progress, it’s usually because he’s spending too much time on video games so, at her urging, we now use it as a reward for accomplishing things on a short term basis.  Working with this coach weekly for a year, making steady progress in exec skills and figuring out what he wants to do career-wise, he reached a major milestone this week “on his own”, signing up for a course at the local community college.  We’re very excited about this!  He has been working restaurant jobs and is thinking about culinary school.  She helped him apply for jobs, coached him before interviews, worked with him on workplace relationships etc.  He may still go to culinary school, but we have encouraged him to look at other things as well so as not to decide on that by default.  The coach told us that people with ADHD people have trouble “envisioning their future selves” (it’s hard enough to organize what they’re doing on a day-to-day basis, much less long term), and that they must experience it first hand.  With this in mind, the course he registered for is a pre-req to Graphic Design and will give him a little more knowledge of the field so he can find a job that will give him exposure to this field (even if on a volunteer basis).  Although he still requires reminders, he is also now making all his own doctor appointments and ordering and refilling his meds on his own.  With this coach, we feel that we now have a well trained “partner” in the quest to set our son on a path to a happy independent life.

Posted by 2kidsmom on Dec 22, 2012 at 5:36pm

What a wonderful story! 

Interestingly, I joined this blog because of my son who has ADHD…but I also have a daughter age 18 with almost identical issues to your son - characteristics of Asperger’s including socialization difficulties, executive function deficit, including difficulty with organization and short-term memory, ADD, and slow processing.  She does not initiate social contact.  I have never been told that she has dyslexia.  However, she just finished her first semester at a private college with a lot of accommodations, and while she tried hard, I think her disabilities are going to be too much for her to continue.  We have a lot in common!  Now, I need to look at how to help her emancipate, and I never thought about an ADD coach.  Thanks… I just wish we could all sit around and drink hot chocolate and share stories!

Posted by telluride on Dec 23, 2012 at 4:27am

Catemily - what a delightful and honest young woman you are! I appreciate your candor about homework, and my 13yo has a similar problem with"being clear” about the status of homework. I also agree that it would be hard to completely separate the “teen” behavior from ADHD, but I suspect that his ADHD drives less clarity that makes the “lying” easier…

Posted by Mludwick123 on Jan 10, 2013 at 1:33am

Hi All:  It is my understanding from my son’s ADHD coach that my son’s lying is related to his ADHD.  He said that lying is a means of procuring whatever it is that he is fixated on and driven by. 

This new coach is awesome!  He is teaching me how my son thinks and why he behaves like he does.  It is sooo helpful!

Posted by telluride on Jan 10, 2013 at 5:00am

Confused,                                                Consequences ignored by young at home adult of 19. She has recently taken almost $1,000 out of debit account, different days, different ATMs, varied dollar amounts before her dad n I noticed. This time money used to finance 6 day trip Texas for 3 day concert over New Years.  Dropped out of Junior college n not working nor actively looking for employment. Suggested she find job which would enable her repay amount taken and acquire some spending money in the mean time she could help around house for $10 an hr. pay going toward reducing debt.  She has chosen instead not be home, dropped in briefly to shower change n get more clothes. Typically spends her days sleeping until 3 pm,a few hrs. spent on FB, texting watching TV,  hr. long shower,  grabbing dinner n out the door till wee hrs. of the morning if she comes home at all.  Whole thing repeated when another temptation comes her way.Has even gone as far as giving charge info. to friend who to charged $750 worth of tickets on club ticks.  Possibility she may also be taking small items from retail stores but can’t prove it. Can’t force her to get job or to help me, legally have no rights as parent as far as when she comes or goes, can’t kick her out, don’t want to charge her with credit card theft as it would make it harder for her to get a job and carries possibility of jail time. Have changed card # several times but she eventually she gets it again. Dad doesnt want to deal w/ problem n she knows it. Thinking of taking her to small claims court if I can get power to file. Concerned where this may lead if not stopped. Looking for ideas or someone w/experience w/stealing

Posted by UdiDwAt? on Jan 10, 2013 at 8:12pm

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