Couples With One ADHD Partner
Newly diagnosed..How to talk about with non adhd partner
I was just diagnosed in Sept this year. I am taking medication and self educating everyday. I have been working on making changes to my symptoms. I am making some progress and still struggling to find balance in my life. I have a partner whom I have been with for 5 years. We have had a rocky on again off again relationship. My undiagnosed adhd has contributed to many of our relationship issues.
We were off when I started taking the medication and realized that adhd was causing the turmoil. I tried to make a mend’s and to move forward with the relationship. We agreed on low expectations and no pressure. We spend a lot of time together and texting on the phone daily.
I talk about some of my symptoms when we are together and he listens. I have also sent him some links about adhd to help make him aware. I told him we could talk about things when he was ready. I am afraid to bring the topic directly up due to our original agreement. There have been a few incidents recently where my symptoms have affected us. When we try and talk it out I feel like he is not understanding and can’t see where I am coming from. We just argue until I give in and give up trying to be heard. Or I just tell him I’ll stop talking now cause I always seem to say the wrong things and make it worse. We don’t go back and try and talk again. He seems to be satisfied with ending these situations this way. However I am not ok with that. I also feel like the bad is out weighing the good and that my progress isn’t enough assurance things will get better.
I want to be heard and for him to not take it personal as my intentions are never to upset or hurt him. I let him know I can see where he is coming from and appreciate his efforts to help diffuse situations with others when my actions get ugly.
So does anyone have any advice about how to approach the situation without pushing to hard. I know he is scared and hurt from the history of the relationship. So I don’t want to force any pressure on him. I would really love for him to become more educated and open to see the explanations for my actions. I am by no means making excuses for bad behaviour! I am making progress in managing my symptoms and have come a long way in the last month’s. I am doing this all on my own, and feel alone. That is why I would like for him to start opening up and actively learning with me. Am I asking to much??
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