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Just Diagnosed With ADHD (Adults)

Newly diagnosed and want to get on track

Hi Everyone,

I’m a 31 year old female, recently separated (6 months), recently diagnosed with ADD, on antidepressant and adderall, trying to get on track and in control of my life.

A lot of things made sense when I found out that I have ADD. I’ve always been unorganized, couldn’t do things until the last minute, had self confidence issues because growing up I wasn’t a good student and there was a lot of pressure on me to do better, and I really needed to go away from home so I came to this country for my undergrad, completed my masters..and I did pretty well.

I got married 2 yrs ago. We were very different, our values were different, but i thought it would still work. My husband came from a traditional family. After marriage, his parents started interfering too much, they made it obvious that they don’t like me—they wanted a submissive, obedient daughter-in-law, which I am not and I didn’t want to be the way they wanted me to be. My husband was getting a lot of pressure from them, it seemed like he wanted to tame me. He started saying whatever he felt like to bring me down. I was going through highs and lows for some time. I had just switched my job from a slow paced environment to fast paced consulting company. I started having anxiety and getting extremely depressed, and confused.

My doctor then put me on antidepressants for some time. At work, it was taking me a really long time to do anything. I started working till take at home to finish my work because I wanted to do well. I felt like I was getting dumber by the day, I was feeling like I was losing control.. Things didnt change at home, my home was a mess, I would spend so much time cleaning but it would be messy in a few hours again. I was extremely frustrated with the way I was, and I felt like I could not do anything right.  My psychiatrist added adderall which really helped me. 

I did not want to lose myself so I decided to leave. I stayed with my family for sometime and recently rented my own place. My husband is trying really hard to get me to come back. I really care about him but I feel like its not a healthy relationship. I havent been able to decide if I wanna get divorced or stay married. I have been getting panic attacks and I’m joining an anxiety workshop next week.

I want to get better, and I’m taking baby steps. I’m trying to get organized—Checking bills is stressful, tracking my financials overwhelm me, I misplace my credit card too often, miss doctor’s appointments too often, I have problems managing time. I was googling how to get organized. I think I need help. Please let me know if have tips for me or if you know of any resources that would be a help

Thank you!

Replies

I can totally relate to you.  I’m sorry that you are working so hard to get this right, but I you show that you are a strong person too, by taking care of yourself. 
I use to be a full time public school teacher in New York, and like you wanted to be successful at work. I worked a full day and then would bring work home and work for hours.  I always pushed myself to do well, but it was extremely difficult to work full time, manage a household, keep food in the house, get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour, and so on.  I thought, I should be able to do all these things well, not knowing that I had ADHD.  My then husband was not supportive at all, and he made me feel inadequate all the time.  I felt inadequate and beat myself up and certainly didn’t need anyone doing it with me.
After 20 years of an unhappy marriage to my TYPE A EX husband.  I finally got a divorce and moved on.
Once divorced I could focus on work at taking care of myself and THAT is when i realized that something wasn’t right, since it shouldn’t be so hard to just go to work and actually be on time, eat healthy, and keep my home clean (i lived alone).  Life was still a struggle even being alone.  I would make lists a mile long and not do one thing on it for weeks.
I went to a psychologist who specialized in ADDICTION and who by chance also was an ADD coach.  THAT is when I finally was diagnosed with ADHD and also learned that I was an alcoholic (very functioning but still I used alcohol to self medicate my depression, (Imagine that!!)
Now I am on medication AND stopped drinking so that my medication can actually work.  I take one 10 mg pill of ritalin in the morning, and Wellbutrin around 1 PM.  This has saved me mentally as I can slow down and have had the opportunity to work on myself with therapists and learn about this ADHD stuff.
BUT, knowing what I know now, I realize that I didn’t have to stuggle all those years if I would have just been aware of all this.  Regrets, regrets!!
Since you have your diagnosis, you are so lucky and can work on this at an early (or earlier) age.
YOU ARE YOU OWN ADVOCATE - no one will understand how you feel inside except for you.
1.  Read as much as you can about having ADD so that you DO NOT have unrealistic expectations of yourself.
2. Check out local support via CHADD, hopefully there is a meeting monthly that you can attend for support.
3.  Work on organization, but know that medication will NOT change this behavior alone.  Organization comes with assistance and Learning how to be organized.  You will not become an organized person, that I learned, I take baby steps is all.  I can be organized (a little) but then I had to learn to NOT beat myself up when I’m still MESSY and still procrastinate to the extreme.
Just because we get medicated it does not mean that we are cured 100%.  WE get better.  smile
4.  Get a therapist that can help you manage your ADD and specializes in Attention Deficit Disorder.  The last thing anyone needs is to get help from someone who is uneducated in this disorder.  Normal people will make you feel lazy and unmotivated because they DO NOT understand that you are NOT LAZY it just comes with the territory.
5. Try to get help with your bills and paperwork, I still cannot keep my bills up and always seem to have to pay all late fees, but I work on it.  AND I don’t beat myself up anymore since I understand that I just have a very very hard time with paperwork and bills.

LASTLY, as far as getting back with your husband I would suggest going to Marital therapy together and being sure he will be supportive as an ADD partner; otherwise, you will suffer as a result of HIM having unrealistic expectations for you.  This will not be productive and will make both him and you miserable.  It is unfair to both of you.
Good Luck!!  and remember EASY DOES IT!!
P.S. I was suppose to be cleaning and doing laundry right now, BUT, of course, I checked my email, saw your post, got distracted, and decided that I wanted to reply first.  NOW< I am going to force myself off this computer or I will STAY on it all day!!! And maybe get some housework done!!  smile

Posted by freetobe on Dec 15, 2013 at 10:39pm

Thank you so much for taking time to write back to me. I’ll look into CHADD and seek help to manage ADD. I’ve seen a therapist a couple of times. I was a crying mess, and had so many issues I needed to talk through, I never got to talking about managing ADD. If I get myself organized, and learn to stay organized, I think I’ll feel much better.

I’ve looked into so many tips and suggestions for organizing, it seems simple, and I think I know what I need to do, but I can’t seem to do it right. It takes me a really long time to do things I need to do at home when I am alone…I’ve been trying to clean my apartment for the last 6 hours…. But if I know someone’s coming to my apartment in 30 min,  then I can tidy up everything very quickly. These are little things but it bothers me and I get stressed out.

I’ve been reading a lot about ADD and ADHD. I’m looking back at some of the choices I made. I had broken up with my husband so many times while we were dating, I could not make up my mind for a very long time, and still decided to get married.There were a lot of good things, and bad things.  Now I want to make sure that I make a right decision if I want to go back to him or get divorced, and I don’t know what I want. I was doing fine before marriage, didn’t have to take medications for depression, ADD, anxiety, panic attacks; i’m getting better now, and I’m worried that if I go back I’ll get sick again.

So many things happened, and I can’t seem to forgive or forget. My husband is a good guy, and I really care about him. I was depressed, unorganized and it must have been very hard for him to live with me. He is trying really hard to get me to come back. We did go to a marriage counselor, ..it didn’t work for me.  The counselor told me that I not only have depression and anxiety, I have anger management issues as well, and I have to let go of the past if I want to save this marriage.

I’m thinking I’ll eventually figure things out. Let me know if you have any suggestions.

Posted by Abh_s on Dec 16, 2013 at 12:42pm

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