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Couples With One ADHD Partner

Non AD/HD partners, this is worth a read

From another forum, this sticky may help you understand when an issue is due to AD/HD and when it is not. Unethical or abusive behavior is not acceptable no matter the reason and not limited solely to AD/HD.
Dear spouse or partner of ADHD.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=98803
And perhaps even more, this one, be prepared to wipe some tears.
“Love them”
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=73780

Replies

XOXOXOXOX you, Gadfly.

I read your explosive post early today, and did my own little Yes! dance.

So so so true: just because someone has ADHD doesn’t mean that the ADHD is the cause of their lack of character; manners; abusive personality; not wanting to do house chores; and a ton of other relationship stuff.

If anything, it sounds like many spouses here let ADHD be the sole reason for their problems, when it isn’t. Sometimes you just end up with someone who isn’t a good match who does things that irritate you, who turns out to have different priorities than you do.

Really. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk. ADHD is not an excuse for bad behavior (esp when you’re an adult—-presumably, as an adult, a person has some control over their adult relationships).

Okay, I’m off my soapbox.

Posted by JavaMonster on Jul 12, 2014 at 4:22am

My husband has ADD.  He does dishes everyday.  But he will reload the dishwasher when I load it.  The line between ADD and bad behavior is getting blurred for me.  Sure there is what I call laziness-not taking a shower.  Or getting in the shower and not using soap.  Coming in from the yard, not washing his hands after petting the dogs,  yard work, etc.  And then hugging me and stroking my face and hair when he is all dirty, sweaty, full of dog hair, making my clothes dirty or putting his hands all over the counters, appliances, light switches causing them to be black.  He says he forgets, but “I’ll do better”.  He continues to pick his nose in front of me and I have to tell him to wipe the food from his face. Then there is his reckless driving.  The therapist asked me, “has he ever been in a wreck?”  When i said no, she said, well he must be a good driver.  His driving scares me to death.  He slows down for a green light and by the time he gets to the light it is turning red.  He stops in the middle of the road to look at something. While driving he looks at something and steers toward what he is looking at causing the car to swerve.  Failing to stop for a pedestrian not in the crosswalk.  When I screamed, “stop” he got mad at me for telling him how to drive.  Then his latest statement” well, if I had shot them (his ex-wife and her bf) in my bed where I found them, I’d only do 7 years. Course the kids would be without a mom.”  This one IS bad behavior.  But it is also psychologically damaging to me.  Our dr put him on Zoloft last week after I told him either I leave or you leave. Your choice.  I’ve never put anything on a forum and I’m sorry this is a rant.

Posted by linden on Jul 28, 2014 at 10:26pm

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