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Parenting Vent

I think our marriage took a hit tonight. I told my husband about our visit with the psychiatrist and how tomorrow our 12year old will add Zoloft for anxiety to her daily Ritalin regimen.  He responded: “That’s BS.” we went on, each defending our point of view and and refuting the other’s, and then he walked out of the room. Our girl seems to be looking forward to it, and to feeling better.  She has been developing more and more fears the past few months, and as a result her world has been shrinking instead of growing.  I’m certain that taking her to the doctor was the right thing to do, and I really trust this doctor. I believe it’s the right thing to do. But I think working this hard against resistance from my partner is shaking up my trust in him, and I also think that my pushing forward despite the resistance shakes up his trust in me. It’s not fair to our daughter to be the hinge here. She has enough to worry about. I’m not perfect, and I certainly make my share of mistakes, but she is not even comfortable showing her father her weaknesses or talking about her worries because he won’t acknowledge them.  It protects him from ever having to know about it, but it leaves her without his support.  That makes me very angry at him.  I’ve heard of divorced parents having trouble moving forward in a child’s treatment because one parent won’t get on board.  Here we are, a committed couple, and I wonder what will become of us, because I choose to betray my husband by refusing to betray our daughter.  I don’t even think I have a question. I just needed to put that to words. Thx.

Replies

I understand how you feel. I think all couples experience this, but i will put it in another context. We have a 12 year old daughter with ADD who is on Vyvanse and Zoloft. She has a brother with a medical condition. We realized we never considered providing him with less treatment than he needed, but we were uncomfortable with how much medication to provide our daughter. The truth is any issue that impacts a person’s physical and/or medical health must be treated. Our daughter has always been anxious, but a recent event in our community shook her and her anxiety continued to grow despite seeing her psychiatrist regularly. The anxiety meds have helped our daughter tremendously. She sees and feels the difference. We also found working with an art therapist very beneficial. Perhaps you and your husband would benefit from discussing these issues with the psychiatrist. Good luck.

Posted by Addgirlmom on Dec 07, 2013 at 10:15am

Can you get him to agree to a “trial” basis?  Have your daughter on the meds for 1 month or so and then sit down and discuss it with him.  At least you’ll have more facts (did it work? are there any side effects? Cost?) He might be more open if he actually sees the positive results.  If there aren’t any - then he may have a point.

Just an idea. Good luck!

Posted by staypositive on Dec 07, 2013 at 5:34pm

Thanks, guys.  Actually, we’re moving ahead with it, blessing or no blessing.  It has been chilly in the house, but it is going to happen now.

Posted by marietta on Dec 07, 2013 at 7:18pm

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