I know exactly where you are at. First, know that you are not alone. Does your area offer a support group? If not, the online support has been helpful for me. Lik you, we have decided not to do meds at this time.

Does your child see a therapist? Have you looked at doing behavior modification techniques? Have you looked in to a 504 plan? I learned at a newly formed support group that even if your child is in private school they can receive services frm public schools.

First off, DON’T GIVE UP. Take one day at a time and help your son focus on his strengths.  My son who is 14 now, struggled ever since kindergarten.  Every year, I asked teachers if he should be held back.  They said he was fine to go on.  Once in 4th grade, he was diagnoised with ADD.  Your post sounds identical to us.  I wished I knew back then what I know now.  The reply from Luvmygirls is right on track.  You and your child have rights so don’t back down!  Is your son taking any medication now?  There are several non-stimulating (controlled drugs) drugs out there.  Ask his dr about Intinuv.  I refused to have my son on Ritalin due to my nephew being on it.  Also how does he sleep?  I found out that ADD/ADHD and sleep disorders go hand in hand and so we both had one (I have ADD and BIP~2) Found out my son kicked in his sleep 61 x in an hr~which means he moves constantly in his sleep and doesn’t get a good night sleep.  Unfortunately kids under 16-18 can’t have any drugs to help them sleep.  Which is good, I don’t like having him take more than he needs.  Anyway, his dr, rec Melatonin.  A natural sleep aid.  It makes sense if kids don’t sleep properly, they won’t do well in school.  Also his iron was out of whack.  So check out his labs. 
Also where does he sit in his class?  Try to have teacher put him close to front and away from windows (distraction) and anyone else who may distract him.  Some kids are better learners with hands on, or testing verbally.  My son still struggles with tests but does well on assignments.  I also have him talking with a psychiatrist, due to having a deadbeat dad and me without a job. 
Do you go to church?  I have a great church family who give me alot of support.  Which helps me with my doubts, feelings, worries etc.
This website is awesome with alot of support too.  We all have something in common.  Especially when family and friends don’t seem to understand. 
Remember you are not alone!  I will be praying for you and your son (family too.) Take care and keep us posted. I am sure you will get more advice on your post, there are so many parents with kids going thru exactly what you are.

I am sorry to hear of your pain with the nurturing of your child. I raised a daughter who has ADD/ADHD/Bipolar.
And now is the time for you to look at other things going on in your life. Here are some examples,
nutrition(processed foods, food dyes, soda), household cleaners and the list can be longer.
Do you use safe cleaners when cleaning the house, do you read labels when it comes to picking out your foods that the family eats? What about vitamins, does your child take vitamins? And bad behavior could be because you may be coddling him too much. I don’t want to seem harsh, but only you know what is going on in your homefront. I am and old school mom and pills don’t solve the problem with your child. Bad behavior could be just lack of discipline and the child puts you through the tests of to see how much he/she can get away with by acting out. Do you go to the school and watch from a distance on how your child treats his teachers/classmates? These are just some things to think about and possibly put into action. Hope this helps..

My son who is now in 4th grade has very similar struggles as you are describing when it comes to “class clown” and entertaining friends in school!  My heart broke when I read what you wrote about how he cries if you bring it up because he is really trying so hard.  He IS trying hard!  Their little brains do not have the capacity to use that much self control!  I agree that having him sit up front and away from the windows or door is helpful.  Also, we had my son sit right near where the teacher would be standing most of the time.  We often found that a gentle tap on his shoulder when he started to drift off focus would remind him that he is trying hard to pay attention! 
We also went to see a child therapist who gave us some really good ideas of how he may be able to help himself.  For example, a “stress ball” was helpful for his constant need to move.  He was allowed to hold the ball in his lap and squeeze it while the teacher was teaching.  If he tossed it up to catch it or did anything else with it that distracted the other kids, he would lose his privelege to have it that day.  Or have him tap on his legs quietly to see if that helps.  Also, my son found that he could pay more attention if he was allowed to doodle while being taught.  I’ve learned that ADD brains may need to do more than one thing at a time in order to really take information in!  Totally counter-intuitive! 

I fought against medication for 2 years.  I was a believer that meds don’t fix the problem and behavior modification was the way to go.  This year changed my mind.  I decided to try the medication to see if it allowed my child the opportunity to enjoy school more & get more out of his school experience. I am thrilled to report that he is a much more functional student this year!  HE is the one who feels better…physically, mentally and emotionally!  That is the part we need to focus on as parents.  I do not give him his medication on days off from school unless he has something going on that he feels he needs help to focus on (for example sports).  He is in tune with his body now & he knows when he needs help and when he doesn’t.  So if medication becomes an option for you, don’t be afraid to try it.

We also use melatonin & I agree with positenprayer’s post about the sleep issues.  And we are also hooked in to a great church family that prays with us & encourages us all the way!  Can’t say enough about how important outside support is.  This board helps me tremendously to not feel alone!

This turned out much longer than I intended! Hope you find help and support here.  Remember that you are the best advocate for your child so you need to take care of yourself too, in order to be the best you can be!

Someone posted this and I thought it was an excellent article (and website).  Give this to your teachers:

http://www.caddac.ca/cms/page.php?49

Also, this very site put out a great article called “ADDitude¡Çs Classroom Accommodations to Help Students with AD/HD”.  I can’t find it - it’s a one-sheet PDF format that lists “When you see this behavior” on one side of the chart, and “Try this solution” on the other side.  It’s perfect for teachers.  If you want it, message me and I will email it to you.

The more we equip our teachers, the better our children do.  I find that if I can provide as much help as possible, the teachers are willing to try more.  Take care of yourself, too!

Hi there, you have come to the right place.  I bought a ton of books about ADHD and this site has given just as much info or more than all those books put together! 

My son went through the exact same thing in first grade, it was awful.  He was in trouble constantly, failing everything, disrupted classes, violent and aggressive behaviors, you name it.  I tried therapy and medication (Concerta at the lowest dose) at the same time.  I was absolutely amazed and so thankful for the results.  Within a month he ACED a spelling test, when before he could barely get half right.  He has had to have a lot of extra work to get caught up with math, since it builds on fundamental concepts.  But a year later, he’s almost completely caught up with the rest of the class in everything.  There are still a few issues here and there that arise, but it’s just the average (mostly) everyday kid stuff now. 

I don’t think medication is for every kid with ADHD.  But it was most definitely the right solution for mine.  He is able to sit through class and learn now, he couldn’t before.  Good luck, I wish you the best!

You have described my experience when my son was in the first grade. I started with diet adjustments - mainly dyes and sugar. But also processed foods. It helped a little but not enough to make significant changes at school or socially. With only 7 weeks left in the school year I decided I would test meds to see if they helped. Within 2 weeks my son came home with a star student award. The changes were amazing. I decided giving him meds for the next school year. They have allowed him to be productive, have friends.
He even said he feels “more normal” on them.
But meds aren’t the only answer. I have been teaching my son different tools and teaching strategies to better cope when he gets over stimulated.

No one thing will work - it really is a combination.
I wish you, your family and your beautiful child all the best!

I am so sorry to hear of your issues, I am sure there will be many people that have similar issues.  Here are my thoughts:

1. Yes - stimulants can be scary, but I wouldn’t just write them off.  EVEYONE has a different experience with them.  Just because someone had a bad side effect, doesn’t mean you will.  If you have a good doctor, that you trust and feel is NOT just a paper pusher, then trust their judgement.  I mean Tylonol can cause liver damage but I don’t hear anyone saying they are afraid to give them tylonol. Please know that I say this as a parent whose son cannot take stimulants.

2. Intuniv - my son is currently on intuniv and it will/should help with the behavior issues (impulisivty, hyperactivity).  However, it will likely not do ANYTHING about focus.  My son can’t have a conversation for more than 2 minutes…

3. Melatonin - works great but can also have side effects of terrifying nightmares.  My adhd kid can take it fine.  my non-adhd kid will wake up screaming.  So start at a low dose - 1mg and see if that does anything.

I don’t know how the law works with private schools.But he should be on an IEP it sounds like.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD in grade 1.  We tried various medications but found ritalin to work the best. However I think it makes him nervous and he loses his personality a little. Every year we have tried to go for a week or so without medications. Presently we are trying an amino acid supplement Neu Becalm’d. We have used it in the summer and had really good results with behavior but not so much with focus.  We go see the psyciatrist next week.  We may try another non-stimulant medication if he knows of one. Stimulant medications affect his appetite and sleep and then he always loses weight and gets run down. We have tried taking risperidone with the ritalin to help with appetite… works but still have trouble with sleep. Does anyone know of good non-stimulant ADHD medications other than Intinuv and Straterra?

Excellent advice coming from our ADDConnect community for MostyMimi - thank you all so much for sharing your experiences!  Momto2cuties suggested one of our ADDitudemag.com Printables on Classroom Accommodations to Help Children with ADHD. You can find that one, as well as many others on IEPs, teacher communication, homework help, ADHD medication and more on ADDitudeMag.com

There is a video of natural self help relaxed concentration exercises and accelerated learning strategies for ADHD students. ” Being In Contol: Natural Solutions for ADHD Dyslexia and Test Anxiety.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004RENW3C

I also offer tutoring for ADHD students.
http://www.jasonalster.com

Wow- thank you guys so very much for all your advice and concern.  I have to say, finding this website has truly been an answered prayer for me and I don’t feel so “lost”.  Ususally when you post a bulletin somewhere, you don’t usually get a good response, but thank you all for your involvement!

After writing the post, I was up till 4 am thinking and researching.  I ordered the fish oil.  I am starting him on the melatonin.  I do clean with all natural products so I am great there.  He is celiac- allergic to gluten- so we are usually very good about the processed foods and no sugar during the school week.  I would cut it all out, however, i think i would be taking away my child’s life altogether if i did so much.  I read that protein is a major diet factor and so we have pumped up alot of that with alot of white meat in the diet.  I read up on a medication that isn’t a stimulant- synaptol?  Has anyone heard anything of this?  I’m also looking at other options.  Intuniv? 
I also read a few things regarding music in the background, sitting up front, there are little things such “keeping a ball in their pocket” to distract them when they need to get up and move but can’t?  These are all things i’m considering. 
I’m looking into behavior therapy and I have a therapist for him that I am going to start using regularly.  I just feel so overwhelmed and unfortunately, it’s my personality to want to “fix it overnight” but in this case, I cannot. 
After reading alot of your comments I think i’ve come to the conclusion that my doctor isn’t directing me either in a way that possibly could be more helpful.  I think I’ll be looking into other doctors that maybe specialize. 
thank you again.  I’ll keep you all in touch.