Refusing to face my ADHD
I am clinical. I have all the signs and symptoms, I fit the diagnosis so perfectly that when I listen to someone describe ADHD tendencies, I freak out because it sounds like they are describing me, without ever having met me.
There are parts of myself that I like, I love the passion and the unbridled emotion that comes from me, I love how I appear to feel deeper and more intensely than others. (it might just be that others express it more conservatively though).
But I find myself looking at ADHD, the causes, the symptoms, and the treatments, looking at my bottle of adderall going “now what?”
Okay, so I have it, but the stimulants I have tried have done nothing to help me with my lucrative, but mind erasing desk job, pushing numbers around a spreadsheet. I’d describe Adderall as a magnificent appetite suppressor, a great stimulant, and an all around excitability-muter, if that makes any sense. It appears to be a solution to a type of ADHD that I don’t have.
How do lifestyle factors contribute to the efficacy of ADHD medication? How can I, the adult, sprinkle artificial consequences throughout my day to help keep me on track? If ADHD is a disorder with executive function, yet executive function is required to implement all of the daily tools we can use to manage our disorder, isn’t that like the blind leading the blind? Or giving the impulsive foxes the keys to the hen house, as it were?
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