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ADHD in Women

Relationship help! I get bored.

This is my first post here, thanks for taking the time to help out!

First off, I’m 21 years old and was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD about a year ago. Recently I’ve been actually reading on it, trying to understand it better, and I’m learning so much (especially from you guys) about how this affects every part of my life! So I thought I’d turn to you.

I’m wondering if anyone out there has experienced this same thing and how they got through the ‘lulls’ of a relationship. I feel like every time I date someone new, I’m head over heels for them, thinking that they’re the one, only to get bored with them a couple months later.

Well it happened again, I met this great guy who is really good to me and treats me better than I’ve ever been treated, but lately I feel conversations go nowhere, and I don’t ever get the feeling that I miss him or want to be with him and we’ve only been dating like 2 or 3 short months. The other part is that he doesn’t feel this way at all! He feels like everything is just perfect.

Before him I was seeing another guy for close to a year and he didn’t get boring to me so quickly. But I ended it a while ago, and now I can’t help but think that the more I learn about ADHD, the more I think he’s got it too, and all of the problems I had with him stem from our untreated ADHD. And so now I can’t stop thinking about how maybe I ended it prematurely and we could fix this…but I just started this new thing with the nicest guy. It kills me to break his heart! I’m caught in a pickle!!

Any advice or experience you could offer would be so helpful. I really am lost and have no other people to turn to. Thanks guys.


Some ADHD’ers need and want stimulation or excitement. A new relationship was exciting for me when I was younger so without realizing it I would always be seeing someone and my relationships would be short.

What does your heart say to do?

Posted by Tinybluemoon on Feb 26, 2014 at 6:35pm

As an ADHDer, I can be so scattered that I don’t know what any part of me wants. I get the most clarity when I write in my journal. One method I use is writing as if I’m having a conversation between Big Me and Little Me. That is especially helpful if my child-like self wants one thing and the adult part of me wants something else. Another method I use is a Pro-Con list. For example, what are the pros & cons of staying with the new guy and what are the pros & cons of going back to your previous relationship? Sometimes, like when I’m feeling emotionally overwhelmed, it helps to engage my practical side and ‘dissect’ the situation. But whatever you decide, take care of yourself first and foremost. What makes you happy? I guarantee it won’t be a direction based on self-sacrifice (i.e., staying with someone just because you don’t want to hurt his feelings).

Posted by tangentgirl on Feb 27, 2014 at 3:45am

Hello Tonfra you are so young I think you can afford to experiment a bit, but more importantly you can start to consciously learn about yourself in the process. What in the past relationships that drew you in and what aspects made you leave? Was there anything that you missed about any of those relationships even after you broke it off?

Posted by Lady Yoda on Mar 01, 2014 at 6:30pm

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