Couples With One ADHD Partner
Request suggestions to help my relationship w/ ADD partner
This is my first post, please forgive me this got pretty long.
I’ve been with a wonderful man for over 2 years, been good friends for over 4 and now we are now engaged to be married sometime next year. The reason I joined this sight is to seek support for myself and in the relationship and to learn how to cope with his ADD symptoms. I knew pretty much right away that he had ADD (I’m a therapist) but he denies it (even thought he went to a psych to get ADD meds to help him in college). My goal here is to request your support /help in coping with his disorganization and distraction. I’m open to suggestions/ideas.
Since we met, his home environment has been very disorganized, I’d classify it as a 8/10. The kitchen counters are cluttered with random stuff, his shoes are everywhere on the floor, bunch of old magazines are laying around, and there is food in his cabinet from 2008. He was married for 10 years, divorced in 2009. Further, he has a 4 bedroom house w/ a 2 car garage and all 3 bedrooms are packed with stuff rendering them uninhabitable. He can’t park the car in the garage or use the other 3 rooms for guests. On the positive side, he cleans the living areas *(with my prompting) and does his dishes/ laundry regularly. We don’t live together (thankfully) if we did I would have hired someone to do a clean sweep already.
On the distraction side, he loses things constantly, is chronically late, and cannot plan in advance on his own. The most bothersome part of the distractability is communicating with him, I can be having a conversation with him and he seems that he is somewhere on another planet (eyes looking around, getting up from his seat while I’m talking, and butting in to make jokes about something I’ve said/adding an anecdote or story from his life). I feel so frustrated having a conversation with him b/c he cuts me off to add his own comments that are mostly about his ideas and not what I’ve said.
I’ve read several books on the topic which were somewhat helpful. But I’m still stuck. How can I help my partner understand the impact of his ADD on our relationship w/ out blaming him? He is very sensitive about having ADD, maybe b/c he was diagnosed with Dyslexia as a child.
Thank you for reading.
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