Parents of ADHD Teens and Young Adults
Stress on marriage over disciplining teen son
I am married for 20+ years and blessed with two very bright children. The youngest, a boy, has ADHD. He is very gifted, with a high IQ, but has struggled like many to complete home work, which by high school caused failing grades, put him at risk for the wrong social circles, drop out and more. His poor attitude, obstinance, and lying became a major stress in our home and marriage. My husband chose a lucrative career, which required extensive travel. when things got really tough with our son and my health declined, I frequently begged him to choose a different job to be home more. He wouldn’t. As a result I gave up a very lucrative career for a second time to manage our son and my stress, which caused resentment and marital problems. Finally in 9th grade my son asked to attend a military school he had attended over the summer. He is in his second year and is thriving and excelling academically. Although our daughters college tuition combined with private boarding school has put a huge financial burden on my husband and I, our marriage has improved. That is, until our kids come home. My son falls back into poor habits, which drives my husband crazy. Then my husband reverts back into his parenting habit of “tattling” on our son to me and constantly complaining. I also think he is jealous of the attention I give the children. He expects me do all the discipline and we get into fights because he verbally belittles our son, which escalates my sons bad behavior. I will not choose my husband over our kids when he is wrong and have told him to step up to his part of parenting. He won’t. I am so frustrated with my husband for not being the dad our children need or the partner I need. It is hurting our marriage more every time the children come home. My feelings for my husband have changed. I don’t think my husband will or can change. Someone please tell me I am not alone!
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