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ADHD in Boys

Tantrums
Keywords:


Hi everyone.
I’m posting from a very low place right now. I’m the mother of an 8 y/o boy with moderate to severe ADHD. We’ve recently started seeing a new doctor and we’re tweaking his medicine, but haven’t gotten it quite right yet.

With each medicine change comes heightened anxiety, and in our case, temper tantrums. My son is very immature, and boy does he have meltdowns. Tonight he seemed to have the mother of all meltdowns. It was over something minor but he was running around screaming like he was being beaten. These episodes really take it out of the whole family. I’ve heard that we are in the rough years right now, and I know it’s really hard on him too. I just get so angry and tired of this, and I can’t believe that this is our life, and will be until he can get older and learn to manage some of this. I know it sounds selfish, but ADHD has an impact on our entire family, and I’m just so tired of being tired.

Replies

Hi - I just joined this whole thing and saw your post.  My almost 9 year old is in the same boat.  We just had a dose increase a month ago and we are getting more tantrums too.  Some have coincided with poor sleep, though, but some not sure.  He has some sleep apnea and occasionally takes the mask off in his sleep.  Just in case your little guy has sleep issues, it’s worth looking into.  We are going to a mental health children’s service place tomorrow where they teach “collaborative problem solving”, based on the book “the explosive child”.  It’s pretty good, and I am hoping that we can get training on the method soon.

But yeah, just wanted to say I hear ya!!  Crazy day over here too.  Stay calm all day and then when all are in bed… I go aaaa! 

I hope that tomorrow goes better for us both!  Take care.  smile

Posted by MichCa2 on Apr 12, 2017 at 4:25am

Yes, your son is “immature” — he has a developmental disorder, which means he’s 2-3 years behind kids his age in cognitive and emotional development. https://www.additudemag.com/the-truth-will-set-parents-free/

As Dr. Ross Greene says in “The Explosive Child:”

“Kids do well if they can.”

So, your son is not doing well in these instances. WHY? Is it lagging skills like frustration tolerance, concrete thinking, poor emotional awareness and control, etc?

Punishing a “tantrum” (which is really a meltdown, very different) won’t change anything. Addressing the reasons behind the meltdown can change things, with consistency and time.

https://www.additudemag.com/slideshows/adhd-tantrum-triggers/

Following positive parenting approaches can help a great deal: https://www.additudemag.com/category/parenting-adhd-kids/positive-parenting/.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism

Posted by adhdmomma on Apr 16, 2017 at 8:49pm

Hi I read your post and it made me cry. I am new to this site.  My son is 10years old. He has had ADHD/odd his whole life, I wasn’t happy about meds because at school he was getting by and addiction runs in my family as well as mental health issues.  I tried everything from all kinds of therapy to changing diets and accommodations at school.  Worse off my sons father is bipolar so I’m dealing with my son and his dad. You sometimes feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders and SO SO SO ALONE.  The tantrums are so unreal you want to run to another country.  I have felt like the worst mother on earth so many times. We started meds a few months ago and it was the best thing I ever did. It got to the point where the pros def outweighed the cons. We have been going thru the rollercoaster of changing meds and adjusting doses and the stress on the kids as well as us parents is ungodly some days. We just upped ours this week and it’s been hell one day and amazing the next. This morning in the pouring rain my son had a tantrum so bad because he wanted to wear his new sneaks in the rain and take his hoverboard to school and his meds weren’t kicked in yet and he was laughing at me and cursing so bad becuase I was saying no he ran out of the house and began running to school alone in the rain. So trust me I feel ur pain. And when I got to the school because we had a meeting his meds were kicked in and he ran over to hug me and was like hey mom love u!!!!!  I wanted to snap so bad I was so upset and yet so happy to see him at the same time. Our struggles are real and I’m so happy we can share freely on this page and don’t seem crazy. Tantrums are the worst sometimes you want to give up all together and when u say no they defy you and so sometimes your so beat down you just let them do whatever so there isn’t s fight and the peace is kept. I’m having so much trouble keeping my cool anymore I don’t know what to do during these med changes. Sometimes it’s cool sometimes i feel as if I’m walking thru the pits of hell. I have no idea if what I’m saying is helping you at all, at the least I hope you feel less alone.  I wish there was a magic answer for all of us.  I’ve read so many books and blogs and spoken to so many doctors and I notice the best support I get is by reading other parents stories and knowing I’m not alone. Sometimes the tantrums are so bad and he becomes so violent i have learned to stay away. The more I push or try to talk to him the worse he gets and the more angry I get. My dog just hides behind the couch and cries. I found the best things for me is to on bad days try to shut it down early. I give him his melatonin and he chills out and falls right asleep most of the time. Melatonin has been a blessing in conjunction with his Ritalin. Sometimes it’s just so out of control you have no choice. Call me wrong but I know my kids miserable acting that way freaking out and the stress is so unhealthy so maybe it’s something to talk to ur dr about. It’s in the pharmacy and it’s natural not like Tylenol pm or anything like that. My dr says it helps when the Ritalin begins to wear off. I’m not a physician but it’s helped me thru some of my dark days with my son. I also began therapy myself to help becuase I was feeling so isolated. Another thing I began doing is every day walking and walking with my son. I’m a hairdresser so I have a physical job but it helps on bad days too. We walked for 2 hrs yesterday and not only is it good exercise it helps wear off energy and helps him get his head together. I truly understand you and hope our days are brighter tomorrow. I hoped this helped some. You aren’t alone.

Posted by Onetoughmama2616 on Apr 21, 2017 at 3:19pm

Thank you for being so honest. It really does help to hear someone else say they have days where they feel like they are 100% about to lose their sh*t. I think, unfortunately my son has a more severe case of ADHD, etc. than the average kid, and it seems like I’ve tried everything and nothing works. He’s on two different meds for ADHD plus Zoloft for anxiety, plus Melatonin, all of which make him not want to eat ANYTHING (another huge struggle). It also doesn’t help that I’m a type A personality and struggle with patience, although I’ve come a long way. I know it’s hard for him too. He’s a sweet, loving child and I just hate it because I feel like he’s losing his childhood, that’s the worst part.

Posted by eliz2112 on Apr 21, 2017 at 9:41pm

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