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Couples With One ADHD Partner

Therapist in Chicago area

Can anyone recommend a couples therapist who specializes in ADHD in the Chicagoland area? I am newly married to a man with ADHD, and I am looking for coping strategies. Thanks in advance.


Wish I could help you.  The world is slim on therapists who know really anything about ADHD, they all say just communicate better.  But of course people with ADHD do not generally communicate well.

In the meantime, best coping mechanisms I have come up with in the 17 years I have been married to a man with ADHD - let all the little things go - sure he puts things in the wrong place, or leaves half finished projects all over the house, but let it go.  Unless and until you do you will be frustrated because this is one of those symptoms that even meds can’t help!

Practice radical acceptance.  Accept the way he is even if he does not.  My ADHD husband at age 54 is still beating himself up for it.  He has not accepted his ADHD and that means that unless and until he does he will not find peace.  And him not being peaceful is chaotic in the household.  I totally bought into “its his problem, nothings getting better til he solves it” etc. But have found a tremendous amount of peace for myself and my children because I accept his ADHD.

Take care of yourself.  Do things apart from your husband that you love and give you a sense of self.  I made a big mistake in expecting that my husband was going to be supportive/allowing of my career and outside activities.  But anything that causes them stress, anxiety, discomfort, they will fight against even if they don’t know they are doing it.  You are in luck, you are a newlywed.  You can start laying the framework for your marriage going forward right away.  Be independent and expect the same of him.  ADHD has a way of fostering dependence on otherwise independent people.  You may someday find you are functioning FOR him, therapists call this overfunctioning.

Keep your sense of humor.  Take it all with a grain of salt because it can get real serious, real fast.

And best of luck to you.  I hope you have a very happy marriage.

Posted by YellaRyan on Feb 26, 2014 at 1:03am

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