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ADHD in Women

Too many choices

I cannot abide too many choices. Of anything. For instance, shopping for cold medicine. After looking at and reading all the various symptoms and brands and I usually go home with nothing. Clothing. Cannot decide what I like best, so I go home with nothing. Now I find a site that has too many things to read and participate in, for the very illness that confounds me. LOL! All I know is that I am a mess. I lose things. Everyday. I usually find them if I quit looking, but I lose things. Time, money, wallets, phone numbers, letters, addresses, keys.etc. I procrastinate horribly. People call me space cadet, airhead etc. Very painful even though we all have a good laugh. Sigh* I can’t even stay on topic. I started out about too many choices and ended up preaching to the choir.

Replies

Oh wow!  You sound like me!!!!  I use gadgets with calendars, alarms, etc . . . to help me through the day.  I know how you feel, I really do.

Posted by dreamer on Jun 27, 2011 at 11:20am

You sound like me, too!!! I have trouble talking myself into going to the grocery store.  Too many choices!!!!  I can’t stand the feeling of overwhelm!!  Recently a local grocery store started providing shopping services for a minimal amount, and I started taking advantage of it.  I just have to pick up my order and pay. The only little glitch is that I have to look through hundreds of products to get my order ready to send on-line.  That’s torture, too, because I seem to be incapable of working up one menu, much less for a whole week. I’m also tortured by the mess on every horizontal surface in my home.  I don’t even know how to start, because it seems like I have to move something before I can put something else away, so it spirals back to where do I start.  It also doesn’t help that I’m an out-of-sight-out-of-mind person.  Gee, it’s good to vent!! I love this site. We all need to help each other.

Posted by stilltryin on Jun 28, 2011 at 10:32am

Ditto!! Ditto!! Ditto!!!  I don’t even have to vent, because you all said it for me LOL I wish my husband would even believe that ADHD exists.

Posted by scattered1 on Jun 29, 2011 at 9:59am

I hate choices. It sounds so weird because I love freedom. I don’t like most software because they give too many choices! When I was a photoshop nut, I couldn’t decide which filter I should use and to what degree, because even if I settle for one filter, you can always control whether to apply it 30%, 50% or 70%, and guess what? They all look quite nice! It’s the same with apps- the App Store offers so many different options for apps that are supposed to do the same thing: get organized. So I buy one, use it for two days, and then buy another because my curiosity is just killing me.

Posted by Rubicon on Jun 29, 2011 at 10:54am

Before being diagnosed I would be at a restaurant with friends and say “there’s too many choices”, to which my friends would shockingly reply “What? There can never be too many choices…”.  My whole life I wanted to go to a private school so I could wear a uniform and not have to pick out my clothes every day.  Very few friends shared this sentiment either, haha.  Currently, the grocery store is my arch Nemesis!!! It takes hours for me to make all those choices and I always end up coming home without anything that can make a comprehensive meal. Hate it! I’ll get to the last of my non-perishables before making the trip.

For all non-ADHD who may read this: Yes, I make lists.  It has nothing to do with lack of preparation - trust me.

Scattered: I hear you with others not believing it exists. If they could only spend a day in our brain…

Posted by AcADDemic on Jul 06, 2011 at 5:08am

AcADDemic:  Pretty much everything you said describes me perfectly.  I always wanted to have school uniforms and my friends thought I was crazy.  Also, I LOATHE going to the grocery store.  Even making the list is a struggle.  I usually end up buying soup and frozen dinners because the thought of having to buy all the ingredients and plan out meals to cook EVERY day is just not going to happen.

I even ended up with a B.A. in Social Sciences because it lets you pick three different social science disciplines and combine them into a degree.  There were just too many choices and all the classes sounded so interesting.

Posted by AnnaBanana on Jul 21, 2011 at 12:30pm

Oh can I ever relate to all of you. I hate shopping of any sort given how many different choices for everything there is nowadays. It drives my husband crazy because he’s the type of person who needs to SEE and ASSESS every single choice available before he will make a decision.

I was so glad when my nursing unit decided we all had to wear uniforms that were distributed by the hospital just so I wouldn’t have to decide what to wear each morning.

As for making supper?? OMG it makes me cringe when I have try and figure that out each day. I’ve tried menu planning but I can’t even narrow it down that way…too many meals to think about at one time lol!

I’m so glad I finally figured out what is wrong with me. I couldn’t understand why I would get great marks in school but appeared to be such an airhead all the time.

Makes me feel like a really bad mom sometimes. Especially when you see other women managing to get it all together.

Posted by thedementedmom on Jul 28, 2011 at 5:42am

This is so familiar. For me it’s not so much the supermarket that triggers my panic as just planning my day. I thought retirement would be bliss, which it is at times, but didn’t take into account what it’s like to suddenly have no schedule at all. My work life had it’s own ADHD challenges, but it did provide a predictable schedule to life. Now each day is different.

My best solution is to write up a schedule for each day, first thing in the morning, even before breakfast. It helps hugely. Even if I don’t follow it exactly (which I rarely do) it’s a plan for organizing the day and fitting in all that needs to be done, and keeps me from panicing over choices (at least on most days!)

Posted by HettyT on Aug 01, 2011 at 11:08pm

Hi there,

You might appreciate this video ADHD expert Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, who has adult ADHD and troubles making decisions when there are many choices, made to address this topic!

http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/11/9005.html

All the best,

Mary

Posted by ADDConnect Community Editor on Aug 12, 2011 at 5:03am

I have the same problem!  My sister came to my house this summer to decorate my son and daughter’s bedrooms because I haven’t been able to make any decisions so their rooms were still plain with no real theme or design.  Sure, I saw a lot of things I likes and had ideas, but I never could decide on anything and I was afraid that I might pick the wrong comforter set, or the wrong lamp, etc.  Too many choices is definitely a problem for me.

Posted by MelodyAM75 on Oct 01, 2011 at 9:28pm

Yep.  I’ve definitely joined the right group.

Posted by bergie on Nov 01, 2011 at 9:37am

This is an interesting topic. I can relate on a different level, as I love shopping and all the choices! smile  Where the multiple choices give me a problem is with getting organized and getting work done. If I have similar tasks at work with no clear deadline, I have trouble prioritizing them or deciding which to do first. If I am trying to organize work, I can’t decide on which system to use (alphabetize, by subject, color coding). I may start to go with one, and the next day or week decide that another option would work better.  It’s weird, cause when I sit back and look at it all it seems like it should be so simple—just pick one and go with it. It’s frustrating because that little decision can hold me up from accomplishing so much.

Posted by uniqueme on Nov 01, 2011 at 10:03am

I can also relate and have trouble with deciding what to wear, and what to fix for meals.
My grocery store shopping issues come up with dealing with the coupons. I spend hours clipping and sorting, and sorting out the expiring ones. When I pick out what I will take to the store with me, I sometimes spend much too long deciding between the (i.e.) 2 or 3 brands of shampoo that I like that offer $1 off and the items are priced the same and/or neither is on sale.

Posted by uniqueme on Nov 01, 2011 at 10:15am

OH THANK GOODNESS I’m in the right place - I can SO related to everything all of you have said and struggle with - I thought is was just ME. 

Where do we go to get the answers about how to ‘fix’ these things so we’re not so overwhelmed and anxious b/c of these ‘simple’ tasks that most can master without giving them a second thought?  What are your coping skills?  Do you keep several for when you get ‘bored’ with one and need another one?  I can’t do anything the same way everyday without going crazy from the ‘boredom’ of it.

I chringe at how I used to try to parent with Love and Logic and wonder why my child was so defiant - now I know - too many choices make him as overwhelmed as they make me too.

Posted by linchpinflair on Sep 04, 2012 at 12:56am

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