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Too much too soon

I am a 47 male divorced for 2 years with Adult ADD and had a question about a romantic relationship:

I’‘ve known for some time that I can be pushy, too intense/serious too soon, too eager/available, impulsive when sending texts and email in romantic relationships with women. I’ve recently gotten a 2nd chance with a woman I am very much in like with. The reasons we broke up were primarily due to those listed above. She just said just dont go off the rails on me again. Meaning pressuring her being too pushy. Everything seems to be going along fine with our friendship we both agreed could turn back to romance, and then I blurt out on the phone, “can I still call you my girlfriend?” “Or are you still attracted to me?“I do this in texts as well. She will text me and say just “goodnight” and I respond with “goodnight baby, (I hope its ok if I call you that)?”
Our 1st time at this relationship lasted about 6 months.This woman is very skittish to begin with in relationships with men (she is NOT the least bit ADD) I dont get to see her a lot because she works in a hospital long hours. I just wish there were ways in which I could follow the “less is more” principal?? I continually catch myself ratcheting up the intensity via text or phone calls. In my mind, who wouldnt like all that instant affection, and an instant relationship put on them with long term plans, etc. LOL. I just want to figure how to dial everything back, be her friend and see what happens naturally. We’ve been talking this 2nd time around for about 1 week. I dont know how to chill. Its not like I need to make something happen by a certain deadline. She has said she is not dating anyone and I told her I wanted to wait and see what happens with us. I too dont want to date anyone else.
I think this is relationship (at some point) to lose but I just feel I cant stop from doing and saying things that are too intense way too soon. Any ideas on how to rebuild a friendship and hopefully romantic relationship without screwing it up would be appreciated?

Replies

I get it.  I am a horrible dater.  I don’t have a clue. But that was before ADD.  So now I’m wondering if it’s some form of hyperfocus ?  Kinda makes sense, right?  My only advise is hyperfocus on YOU.  What makes you , You?  Fall in love with getting in there and deeply knowing who you are.  I think you might discover you’re pretty great and the real thing will need no persuasion.

Posted by jetergirl on Jul 30, 2014 at 10:20pm

You are definitely not alone (http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/11/9067.html)! Individuals with ADHD often feel emotions more strongly than others (http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/66/). That could definitely be contributing to your problem. Impulsivity (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/950.html) is likely another culprit. Lastly, it could be hyperfocus as well (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/612.html)—or a combination of all 3. The articles I referenced all have helpful strategies to work through these things.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Jul 31, 2014 at 2:36pm

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