My daughter too is 8 years old with ADHD, and luckily passed into 3rd grade as I put her in a private school.  Her public school wanted to retain her in second grade.  She was diagnosed in Nov of 2010, and not put on medication until 3/2011.  I was so nervous to put her on meds, but she simply couln not do the work her peers were doing. After the meds, swas so much more able to focus and concentrate.  She started out with Metadate CD and now is on Focalin XR.  It is not a magic pill because she still has difficulties and has trouble socially.  However the playing field is somewhat levelled, because prior to medication she could not achieve, no matter how hard she tried.
I too was so afraid that her self esteem would be damaged and it was beginning to as she would make comments that she couldn’t do anything and the other kids could. 
Try asking your husband that if she had some other medical condition would he stop her from taking medication if it would help her?  If she needed glasses would he not give them to her?
Medication is a very serious step, but she will be monitored by a doctor and there are numerous types of meds she can try.  Maybe you can just ask him for a months time to see if she benefits from the meds, or maybe as you can see the difference in yourself, you should just give them to her without the approval of your husband. 
Good luck

Maybe ask your husband for a deadline.  Something like - “Hey, I’ve been willing to try it your way with behavior modification, etc….but I don’t think either one of us is satisfied with its results.  When will you be willing to try my suggestion?”  You’ll need some concrete way to measure the goal: specific grades in school, number of behavior reports from the school teacher, etc.  (I wish there was some way to measure self-esteem…if anyone thinks of something, please let me know!).  Then, if the goals aren’t met by the agreed-upon deadline, try medication.  And be sure he’s onboard with what that means.  How long will your daughter try the medicines?  What side-effects worry him, and can you measure those?  And if he’s seriously worried about side-effects to the heart, ask him to print the research articles he’s read.  Take them to the Dr, so he/she can try to avoid whichever drug(s) concern him.

Hope this helps.  Honestly, I could really relate to how   your arguments go in circles!  Sometimes I think I back down too quickly for the sake of peace.  Then there are subjects (like this one) where I know what’s best for my family can’t just be dropped or ignored.  Good luck!

Well not all meds are alike and there are, what now about a dozen different ones. They dont all have the same side effects and you will put her on the lowest possible dose. A good psychiatrist should prescribe, one who deals with ADD regularly. Not a medical doctor whose knowledge will most likely be limited and out of date.

What our daughter’s psych said that convinced me was if there was something that could calm the chaos inside your daughter’s head wouldn’t you give it to her?  I am sure he does not realize how painful it is inside her head. If you have to change your marriage to save your daughter from a miserable childhood isn’t it worth it?  If she was diabetic or had hypertension he would be committing child abuse by withholding medication. I know it is a choice but who is he making the choice for?  If she becomes a zombie it’s the wrong med! If it doesn’t help it’s the wrong med. If she feels better, has fewer temper tantrums, does better in school it’s the right med.

Please tell your husband that the self esteem issue is as big if not bigger than the grades and other issues.  My 10 year old was diagnosed last June after also struggling since 1st grade. She went from a very happy child in kindergarten to a child who hated herself, school and everyone else.  She was never happy and always yelling or fighting with us saying how stupid she was and no one liked her. Getting her to go to school was a daily fight.  Once I had her tested and she started Focalin XR, my happy child slowly appeared again.  She is also on Intuniv in the afternoon to balance her as she also has anxiety/depression (due to the feelings of not measuring up to her peers which has also gotten better with the meds) and it real does help her stay more calm and focused.  She is now in 5th grade and loves school!  I have not had one fight this year about going to school.  Her teacher has seen great improvement in her focus and interaction with other students including participation in class discussions.  I think the self esteem issue should be the first problem that is addresssed.  These are the years that truely mold your child into the adult they will become.  I would hate to be responsible for not giving my child EVERY chance to be happy and self confident.  They just feel so left out and out of touch with the other kids and that will only get worse the older they get.  As long as the doctors monitor the meds (we went every month for awhile to make sure the meds worked and there were no issues, now we go every three months) I don’t see an issue with it.  She is also old enough to tell you if she feels different on the meds and if it is a good or bad feeling.  I would definitely do what it takes to help your daughter even if he doesn’t approve.  Maybe a 6 month trial on meds?  So he can see the results?  He is judging without understanding the consequences of non action.  She will thank you for it.  My daughter still has school work issues and problems with anger but the turnaround in her esteem and our home life is amazing.  She actually likes herself now.  That is the best present your husband can give her.

I know exactly what you are going through. Noone wants to think their child needs to be on medication. My child has been in a private school since she started school so I was late realizing that something was wrong. When she was in 5th grade, I was still having to remind her do her daily morning things prior to school. I could tell her to go brush her teeth and she would go to the bathroom and turn around and come back out and had still not done it. Something once she got in there distracted her and she completely forgot what she was in there for. At first I was like, ok typical growing girl with her mind on other things but I started paying more attention to these things and would test her just to see what she would do. I realized that she was old enough to where she should be doing these things without having to be told everyday. I also noticed things like her handwriting. Hers wasn’t as good as others in her class and I was getting notes send home from one of her teachers saying that she wasn’t concentrating and wasn’t able to complete her work. I started doing research online and everything I read on ADD was her completely. I talked to her about it and asked her if she wanted to get tested to make sure because there is medicine that could help her and the relief in her eyes was priceless. Children struggle with this and they know something is wrong but don’t know how to fix it or what to do about it. Me and my husband took her to be tested and the doctor confirmed that she was comprehensive add. The doctor talked to me and my husband about it (without her in the room). This would be good for your husband in helping him understand some of his unanswered questions. Not being ugly but this is not about HIM, this is about ya’lls daughter and what will HELP HER. Noone wants their child on medication but if it helps them then that’s what matters. I used to be the same way when people talked about putting their child on medication for ADD, I thought it was due to the lack of parenting until I experienced it myself. Karma knocked me down a step on that one.. lol.. My daughter is now 12 and it has helped her tremendously. She will even tell you that it has helped her. She only takes it during the week while school is in and she stays off of it on weekends and summer. If she misses a day during school, she will tell you she can tell a difference. There is so many different medications out there for it so if your husband is worried about the stimulated ones then talk to the dr about that. We have tried Concerta (daughter didn’t like and it seemed to make her more moody) and Adderal (which she is still on). Hope this helps and good luck with everything.

I myself am ADHD and so lis lmy 8 year old daughter. My situation is a little different than yours. Reason being I am divorced from my daughter’s father. But I think that if your daughters peditrician has told you that your daughter may be ADHD then what you should do is have her evaluated and take your husband along with you to the evaluation. May be if he sees the results in black and white he will change is mind about putting your daughter on meds. I will admit that since my daughter was diagnosed in the 1st grade and she is now in the 3rd there has been some rough times trying to get her meds just right. My daughter has this mental thing about taking meds. so I have to be created and put it in her breakfast without her knowing. But anyway once we have found the right med for her there was a HUGE difference in her attitude and her grades at school. The doctor that my daughter goes to weights her and takes her blood pressure everytime that she goes for her meds check. Alot of doctors are aware of the side effects that come with a med. When I take my daughter her doctor always ask if there are any problems with the meds do I see that it or not working. So if you get an evaluation with a specialist that deals with ADHD and like I said have your husband go with you. Or talk to your husband about you and him going to talk to a specialist about what the pros and cons maybe about ADHD. Also at that time your husband can ask some questions of his own.

I understand completely how you feel.  Our daughter is 10 and was recently diagnosed with ADHD, sensory processing dysfunction and a few other things.  It was very difficult to come to the decision to put her on meds and currently she is on two.  It breaks my heart to have her on meds but it seems the only way to go at this point.  Her doctor is in the process of seeing what meds work for her and said it would be a trial and error type thing.

I went through a very challenging year with my daughter last year and experienced several days for an entire school year of being called to come get her because of her behavior. After months of me feeling like something more was wrong (call it mother’s intuition) I finally took her to be evaulated at the children’s hospital. She was diagnosed with ADHD and while I also did not want to medicate my child I was pretty desperate to try something that aleviated some of the stress. My biggest concern was that my daughter would look medicated or act drugged but it hasn’t at all. I have not noticed anything but a positive change. It took a hospital diagnosing my daughter for my husband to believe something else was wrong. Up til that point he just assumed she was being bad to be bad. While we still battle challenges daily with her at least her academics and time at school is easier for her to manage. I agree with the others here that perhaps if he agrees to go to an evalutation and a medical professional states she has ADHD that he will understand how this could help your daughter so much. I also think establishing a deadline might be a good thing to try. I wish you the best of luck. I have been in your shoes. I know..

Thanks for all of the responses.  Several of you mentioned taking her for an evaluation with a specialist.  We’ve already done that (a top pediatric neuropsychologist in the Chicago area).  That evaluation was actually the third one.  First we had our family doctor do an evaluation, then we had a child therapist do one.  Both resulted in a positive diagnosis for ADHD.  Neither was enough to convince him.  The neuropsych eval, unfortunately, didn’t make a difference for my husband either.  Well, it did in that prior to that evaluation he was still wavering back and forth between believing there really was an issue and thinking it was just the way she was.  It did finally convince him once and for all that yes, she does have ADHD, but he still doesn’t believe that medication is the way to go.  For some reason, he feels okay with her struggling through life.  It breaks my heart, but to him it is just something life has thrown in her path and she will find a way to overcome it and be stronger for it.  He struggled in school, yet has become quite successful and he sees the same outcome for her.  I’ve tried to explain to him that each child is different and there is no way to guarantee she will succeed like he has.  I’ve even tried to throw the gender thing at him ~ girls are different than boys and process things differently, but he just tunes me out.  As for school, he’s more than willing to throw her into more tutoring, as much as she needs, but what he doesn’t understand is that this isn’t about her ability to do the work, it’s about her ability to stay focused long enough to learn to do the work and then focused long enough in class to be able to do it when required.  He completely disregards the impact this is having on her socially.  To be honest, that is my larger concern, above and beyond the school issue.

I haven’t decided quite what to do yet, but I feel as though the time to put my foot down so-to-speak is nearing.  I cannot let things go on much longer like this.  I am going to try to talk about this with my husband again soon, but if I still can’t convince him, then I will be forced to forge ahead on my own with medication.

Men tend to be a bit more non understanding than women, of course all of us women KNOW THIS… lol.. Mothers have instincts that we must not ignore, God gave us that so please do what you know is right and help your child.