The work week is hard to get through, but at least I know that from Sunday night to Friday afternoon, my priority is getting to work, being prepared to go to work, and working. I usually have to scale down my focus to just these things in order to successfully do them. If I concentrate too much on personal business, housework, socializing, fitness, or even just relaxing or spending time with my boyfriend, during the week, it can really mess up my attempts to be successful at the work related priorities.
Thus, I am wreck of anxiety on the weekends. I don’t know what my priorities are, I don’t know what is the “right thing” to do with weekends. I have tried and tried again to resolve myself to making some kind of fun plans for the weekend during the week, but I always forget (even with reminders). It’s too difficult to focus on both weekends and the work week at the same time.
By Friday night or Saturday morning, I find myself suddenly having to completely shift gears, and I’m always unprepared for it. I look around the house and there’s a ton of housework to do, but I don’t want to spend the day inside and alone. I feel like I should go to the gym, but I don’t like the gym on the weekends. I know I’m not going to go to the gym on weekends, and yet I still spend my whole morning trying to convince myself to. I usually have personal business to attend to, like rolling over my 401ks or online shopping for clothes, but it doesn’t feel right to spend a nice Saturday doing those things either. I feel like I should be doing something fun, with friends or outdoors, but I don’t have many friends around anymore and I can never think of anything that would be fun to do on my own. I feel like I should visit my parents, but when I go up to visit them I end up sitting around all day and feeling guilty that I’m not doing chores or errands at home, even though it really doesn’t feel right to be doing those things either.
As a result, I end up doing nothing and then feeling extremely guilty. I get depressed on top of it because I feel old and boring and like I have no friends and no life (I’m 36, live with my boyfriend, and have no kids). Long weekends are the worst, because I always feel like I should either be “away” or taking advantage of the extra day to clean and organize the closets or something, but I don’t know which is right and I never plan ahead in time to do either.
I can’t talk to anyone about this—everyone basically says I don’t have the right to be anxious or depressed about having weekends totally free to do whatever I want. But I don’t feel like I do, it feels more like I’m not free at all because everything is telling me to enjoy life AND do all the boring adult things at the same time, and because I don’t really have friends around and my boyfriend never wants do anything with me and is even less prepared for weekends than I am, I feel like I don’t have opportunities to do anything fun.
Does anyone have any suggestions here or can anyone even relate? I feel like I’m wasting my life and taking years off from the anxiety at the same time. I’ve looked into scheduled stuff like taking a tennis clinic or whatever, but everything like that seems to be so impossibly expensive. I really want a dog and I feel like if I had one I could get up on Saturdays and take it for a hike at a local reserve or whatever, and it would just get me up and out and motivate me, but I’ve not yet been successful at getting my boyfriend on board with the dog thing (ironically he says it will tie us down too much on the weekends!).
Anyway, any help is much appreciated.
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