How old is your son?

I wonder if it is possible to get a 3-4 hour dose of meds for after school… Before my son switched to Concerta, he was taking Focalin XR, which wore off as school ended.  We then had a Focalin pill (no XR) for after school, which got us through homework, etc.

With regard to the homework issues, I wonder if it’s possible to get someone else to be the one helping him - sometimes, kids (pre-teen/teen especially) don’t want to hear anything, no matter how logical, from a parent.  A tutor (or someone) who is not so close is sometimes more effective.  (Frustrating, I know…)

My son also has to work on his homework before we get home from work.  It’s really hit or miss; he’s 9.  He’ll sometimes accept better help from his older brother than from a parent.

Another question is whether it’s possible for someone at school to be the one to go over the assignments with him… They’d then see where he was having trouble and he might be more receptive (again - not a parent) and his meds might be helping more because it’s during the day.  This depends on IEP, grade level, etc, of course.

There’s also the issue of consequenses.  Are there rewards for ‘civilly’ (is that a word) getting through homework checks with you? Perhaps that’s a venue for you to use.

Good luck!

I was thinking about a tutor for him but there is that trust factor of letting someone else in the house when I’m not home.

My son is 11 in 6th grade.

That’s so hard.  I can imagine he’s simply exhausted.  I wish I had some advice for you… my son is 8.  I do have some of the same drama with his homework as well, but we try to work on it right after school or right after dinner.  When you throw Basketball in the mix as well as your work hours (which I realize can’t be helped) I think it makes the whole homework thing even harder.

But I agree an additional med might help.  We have a 5mg booster that we give our son just when he has an extra activity that needs to give him more coverage.  Sometimes I wonder if it would be beneficial to give it to him daily.  And then we have great evenings like last night and I realize we really don’t need it.

We spend at least an hour going over school work with my 7-year-old son ever night. It has been difficult to say the least. I try to infuse a little humor into the process, but I have found that the best thing for reducing afternoon frustration is a third dose of meds. My son gets half of his regular dose around 1 PM and that seems to be enough to carry him over until 4:30 or 5:00 PM when we finish homework. He is on short acting generic Ritalin. I chose the short acting meds because it give us greater control over the amount of meds and dosing times, but it is a little more of a hassle than the extended release meds. Perhaps you could ask your doctor to prescribe a half of a short acting med in the afternoon just to get your son through till after homework time.

Not sure how old your son is, but I agree it sounds like it would be helpful to hire an after-school tutor. It sounds like he is frustrated. Another person would help him get the answers right the first time, and he would feel better about himself and not get so defensive. Also by 8 pm everyone is tired. If you ask around you can usually find a sweet high school kid who needs a little extra money to come over for an hour every afternoon. Your relationship with your son will be more positive since someone else is handling the homework, so you won’t have to fight about it every night. It will be worth the money!

I vote for getting a homework helper at school.  If there is someone that can meet with him after or before school to get the HW done and avoid this battle at home…..or they reduce or eliminate HW….your other option that we had to do for awhile while working this out at school was to set a certain amount of time and then when we went over that I would write on the homework that we stopped and let my son hand it in and so the teacher would know he didn’t get it.

What med is he taking? My son is on Concerta. He takes it at 6:30 am and he’s good until around 6 pm. I think you should get him a tutor to make sure hes getting his homework done sooner, rather than later in the day.

I’m all for the tutor thing, but how do you go around the trust factor of letting someone in the house when you’re not home?

He is on the generic Concerta 27MG and it only last him until 2:30..I have a follow up with the doctor coming up and we will see what he does with the meds.

With me not getting home until 5:30, I don’t know if I trust having someone else in the house. Even if there was an arrangement for outside the house, how will he get home? KWIM?

I was going to make the same suggestion about the short-acting booser dose of medication.  Many kids need that after school to get through homework, activities, sports, etc.  It’s a pretty common adjustment.

Also, you may be able to find a teacher (active, retired, part-time, etc.) to work with him, and I would be more comfortable having an adult with some references in my home after school than another teenager with my son.  (My 16 yo works with a retired teacher once a week for spanish help, and it has been an absolute God-send!)  She comes to our house, when I’m not there, and I don’t have to think twice abou tit.  Even though I could help him, it’s not worth the arguments and the toll it was taking on our relationship.  There are some teachers at my son’s high school who will tutor kids after school at school as well.  He may need a medication boost for that anyway.

Another idea may be students from a local college.  We have a few colleges in this are where you can get a list of tutors, babysitters, etc. 

Just a few thoughts!

Good luck!

Lynne Edris, AG
Life & ADD Coach
http://www.CoachingADDvantages.com

We have had the same challenge.  My 4th grade son has been going to an after school program since he started school.  As the homework increased his behavior at after school escalated to the point we ask not to come back.  It has been a blessing—I have been fortunate to find a college student that will pick him up after school, get him a snack and work on his homework.  My rule with her is to help with his work, if he does not do it, he does not get to participate in his evening activities (soccer practice or karate class-he loves both).  He has worked harder with her and wants to get the work done on most days.  Occasionally, he goes to bed really early and gets up 30 minutes early the next day to finish his work.

This has been expensive but it is working. We are having to make some adjustment to our budget but it we are all happier in the evening and my sons behavior in the classroom is improving. 

I found my babysitter on Care.com.  It was very simple, I posted my “want ad” and within an hour I already had responses.  I interviewed 10 people but I found the right fit within a week.

Do you have a neighbour who is a teacher. Either off on maternity leave or home early enough to do some tutoring. Ask at school. They usually have a list.  My son friends mom is a teacher who stays home. Good luck. I’m just starting work and won’t be home until 7. So my husband is going to have to pick up the slack.

We have the same problem with homeworkl with my 11 year old son, 6th grade. (no meds though).  I hired one of the “gifted” students in his class.  They do homework together everyday ($5per day) Her mother picks up the kids after school and take him to her house (they live 1/2 mile form me). That why I know everyday homework is being done until I can get home from work and before he has baseball practice.

I tried the homework tutor thing, and my 9-year-old son was just as defiant and obnoxious with her as he was with me!  She quit after one afternoon of homework with him.

We now have him on an afternoon “home-work dose” of methylphenadate in addition to his usual time-released morning dose.  That has brought the arguing down significantly.  My son’s psychiatrist has told me repeatedly that these meds do nothing for the ODD, but once the hyperactivity is under control, he is able to make better choices on his own.  He doesn’t make them everyday, but he’s much better about making them now!

Been there… still there.  I’m in complete agreement with the advice that you find someone else to review homework with your son.  I tutor and teach children and my son still doesn’t listen to me.  You could just review his homework to see if it is done and let him take in his work and accept the consequences.

I have been trying that lately.  It’s enough of a battle to get him to do it, let alone review it with him.  It isn’t punitive. 

Plus, the boundary between reviewing and doing it for him was getting pretty thin. 

I do understand - all the fighting is so wearing.  I can’t get my son to understand that it would take 1/4 of the time to actually do the work as it does to argue about doing it.

While I agree, just reviewing it seems the answer, but it doesn’t help with tests if he can’t do the work…I’m on the hunt for a tutor..Lord help me, I don’t have alot of money…

I agree that it does sound like your 11-year-old is getting frustrated… and probably down on himself as well (hence the defensiveness). Most kids with ADHD grow up receiving predominantly negative feedback, and it sounds like he’s getting a lot of negative feedback during these homework sessions. He’s probably learned to dread it and goes into it with a defensive posture from the start (wouldn’t you do the same?). Kids (and adults) with ADHD need all the positive feedback they can get in order to succeed, and even excel. Meds may help, but they can’t replace this necessary praise and encouragement.

So, my advise to you is to give your son as much positive feedback as possible. Look for anything and everything you can to praise him for, especially during the homework sessions. Grasp at straws if you must. Praise him for sitting down in the chair. Praise him for   trying to complete the homework. If he did anything right in achieving an answer, even if the answer is wrong as a whole, praise the part that he did right. Your goal should be to give him at least 4 positive pieces of feedback for every 1 negative. (Studies have shown that on average, the attention that kids receive from their parents is 96% negative and only 4% positive. This is especially bad for kids with ADHD who thrive on positive feedback!)

I might also give this a try: Rather than say that an answer is wrong, ask him how he came to that response, see what he did right, and guide him in the right direction where he strayed from the course—this might even help him self-correct!

Your son can do this - and so can you!

Susie

Seems like you are getting a lot of great advice.  Here is my 2 cents:

1. your job is to make sure he gets the homework done/to compelteness - not mark him right or wrong.  If he gets 9 out of 10 wrong, so be it.  In my mind, that is “good” becasue it shows the school he is struggling.  If you can show he is struggling, you may be able to get the school to provide extra support services.  If you continue to monitor his homework and make him correct it, then all it does is sour your relationship with him and make you look like the bad guy.  He needs to know you are the ‘good” guy.  If you correct it, then the teacher will have a false sense that your son knows his stuff and will tell everyone he is “doing fine” - which he clearly isn’t.

2. One suggestion i have heard before but haven’t had to do myself is to have your son do his work in the morning before school.  At this point he is well rested, theoretically just getting his meds, etc.  Again, don’t be the police - just help guide him to get it done.

You’ve had lots of great advice here.  We have been in the same situation.  I agree with motherhenn.  You need to provide a place for him to do his homework, a set time, and then check it is done.  It is the teachers’ job to teach the math and then mark his homework.  I had huge problems with this because I was never happy with what the teachers were doing for my daughter’s struggles (nothing, as far as I could tell), so I always felt I had to be in there helping or it was fail, fail, FAIL!!!!

It is up to the teacher to go through the homewok and identify where your son is struggling and to come up with strategies to address that.  If the teacher isn’t doing that, go and see them.  That is their job! We have to ride shotgun for our kids with ADD, and if that means confronting teachers, then so be it.

My daughter was very resentful of me helping her with her maths, so we hired a tutor.  It is still a work in progress but I am a whole lot less stressed about it! Once I stopped stressing so badly I was amazing how much her maths improved. I’m reading a great book called ‘Superparenting for ADD’ by Ed Hallowell and Peter Jensen.  It’s brilliant.  They say ‘Don’t try to fix the problem first, first fix the relationship’.  Good luck!