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Parents of ADHD Children

Who is right?

This job, of being a parent of an ADHD child, this job of worrying and watching and biting my tongue or saying the encouraging thing, this monkey on my back of never knowing if she’s doing her part or maybe I’m not doing mine…people, I am just so TIRED!  I want help.  I want to tag team this wrestling match.  I want someone to slap my hand so I can climb out of the ring for a blessed minute.  Someone else can wrestle with whether her homework is done.  Someone else can determine that, well, alright, she got a B, that’s pretty good, she’s doing fine…or is she?  Could she have done better if she’d spent more than 10 minutes studying?  How can I get her to care more?  How can I get her to try harder?  How can I motivate her to follow a routine?  How can I inspire her to organize her book bag?  To keep pencils on hand?  To remember her planner?  Why doesn’t this bother her at LEAST AS MUCH as it bothers me?  This is HER life I’m focusing on, after all, not mine!!  If she can’t be bothered, why should I beat myself up over it, then???

She gets some A’s and some B’s and some C’s, and sometimes she gets a D or has an F until she turns in that major assignment for half credit which might bring her up to a C again.  I can’t tell if this is her doing her best, or just plodding through the days.  I can’t tell if she’s depressed or truly engaged.  I can’t tell if MY WORRYING is the thing that is dragging her down or prompting her to try.  Or both!

She says she’s fine.  She says she’s on top of it.  She is not.  But she almost is.  She’s okay.  Maybe.

So where is the truth of the situation?  Is she right?  Is she fine?  Should I let this 13 year old girl just be a 13 year old girl and let her stumble along, hopefully learn how to improve on her own?  Or should I listen to my gut?  Should I hire that professional organizer to work with her?  Get the professional organizer lady to make my daughter clean out her book bag and develop a daily routine?  Force her to be accountable to someone, if not me, then SOMEONE, at least?

But it’s like the blind leading the blind.  We only know she dropped the ball AFTER she has dropped the ball.  She says, for example, no, I don’t have a quiz on Monday.  Guess what?  Wrong.  She DID have a quiz on Monday.  How is the professional organizer lady going to be any better at helping if she gets the same misinformation that I get?  And why doesn’t my daughter KNOW she has a quiz on Monday?  How can she not know that?  That is crazy to me.  I mean, what the…???  And I don’t think my daughter knows why this happens.  So how can she correct a problem she can’t quite grasp?

I dunno, people. I am mostly just venting here today I think.  And maybe this should have been posted under “Anxiety and ADHD” because I have ADD, too, and maybe this is just me spinning my little ADD wheels because it’s easier than actually accomplishing anything at work or at home.  I’m too busy fretting over my kid.  Maybe I should stop worrying about her and just get some damn laundry done.  Maybe this is her problem to solve.  Or not solve.  So it’s never solved.  So what?

Don’t any of you struggle with this question? “How much of this is MY problem?”  Are we really helping them when we help them?  How do you hold someone accountable by only offering rewards, by the way?  We can’t punish, punish, punish.  How silly.  But what’s the alternative?  Do nothing when they don’t perform?

So maybe I’m right that my daughter needs help and could be doing better, but maybe she’s right that she’s mostly fine.  And maybe, either way, it’s not my life.  Maybe I’m wrong to be so worried.  Maybe I shouldn’t even ask if her homework is done or if she has a quiz on Monday.  But also maybe that is a pretty poor example of what it means to be a parent.

Replies

I struggle with this too…EVERY.DAY.

Thank you for writing exactly what I feel on a daily basis.  I don’t have any answers or advice to give… but it is very reassuring to know that I’m not alone.

Posted by angevanek on Nov 22, 2013 at 12:55am

I don’t have any answers either.  I do know how you feel though.  My 8-year old son is ADHD and I am ADHD with extreme anxiety. It looks like your anxiety is getting the best of you at the moment.  It sounds like your daughter is inattentive type ADHD which I like to call the daydreamer.  I was like this in school and you tend to miss the parts where homework are involved.  I would talk to her teacher.  Maybe at the end of the day the teacher can remind her of things.  I also think that your daughter will have to learn as she goes but a little guidance don’t hurt.  When I was in school I was undiagnosed and I just knew there was something different about me but I was too embarrassed to say anything so I dealt with it on my own.  This actually helped me to solve things for myself and give me a sense of responsibility.

Posted by Mae on Nov 22, 2013 at 1:18am

Wow.  I could have sworn I wrote this when I was reading this.  I have an 11 yr. old girl on meds, I’m wondering if they’re working.  Some days I think they are, but some days, I wonder if she even swallowed it! 

But mostly I battle every day about my contribution to her life, am I helping her or am I hurting her by helping her.  How much is too much?  When do I stop?  I don’t have ADHD.  But some days, I’m so overwhelmed with just thinking about her and school and assignments and homework and tests and grades and focus and accountability and moving faster and caring and keeping her room tidy and forgetting and remembering and thinking/planning ahead….the list goes on and on…that I loose focus on anything I need to do and keep in order.  I swear when she’s gone to bed (she’s my only child) I can still hear myself talking.  I can’t get to sleep or sleep through the night, because I am constantly thinking of the next thing, heaven forbid I drop the ball!  I worry about her constantly.  I worry about school, grades and her future.  I have no energy left for anything.  Myself, my home, my friends, my husband.  Everyday I push myself to be a better mom.  But am I being a better mom?  Some days I think I really suck at this job.  I have zero patience, and very little tolerance and a perfectionist.

My husband, thinks I do too much.  I think he has ADHD too.  Sometimes he’s empathetic with her, and other times, he acts like he doesn’t care or understand.  He doesn’t know what’s going on at school, home or in her life but he tells me what I should/shouldn’t be doing.  It feels like he’s being critical of me.  He says he’s helping me. 

Thank you for being so honest.  It’s nice to know I’m not the only parent who feels like this!

We love our kids - deep down inside of them they know that we are trying to help them.  My personal belief is, yes sometimes they do have to ‘fall’ and learn to be accountable, but it’s our job as parents to always be on the sidelines encouraging, pushing, reminding and worrying.  It’s called parenting.

Posted by lmgw on Nov 22, 2013 at 1:32am

Wow!  You put into words how I feel almost every single minute of every day.  As a single mom, I totally get you wanting someone to tag team this with.  Some days are just so exhausting with all of the stress and the worry.  Some days the fight is just too much.  You can only handle so much by yourself.

Maybe the professional organizer lady is an option to take some of the stress and the guilt and the anxiety off of you for a little while.  Why not give it a try?

Posted by cmullen17 on Nov 22, 2013 at 1:34am

I’m there with you.  So many questions, so few answers…

My oldest son is not ADHD, so to a certain extent I have an advantage in that I can see what “normal” might look like.  He can figure out his own assignments and get them handed in.  He makes sure he has what he needs for each class about 95% of the time.  Sometimes, like any of us, he’ll forget a sheet he needs and has to have me rush it to school, or we have to run out to the store for something last minute.  And he really just does what he needs to to get by.  He’s smart enough to get straight As, but that would mean a lot more effort, so he gets Bs.  We nag him a bit to go study or review things, but don’t get much more than if we didn’t do that.

So then I look at my younger son who *is* ADHD.  He doesn’t want to do the work, and wouldn’t if we weren’t riding him.  If he’s interested in a project, he’ll work hard on it.  If he hates it, it’s torture for all of us.  He can’t remember (or wasn’t listening in the first place) when assignments are due or quizzes are coming up.  He could also get all As, but he rushes assignments so loses marks for neatness, details, etc.  If I can help him break it down and slow it down, he can do it.

I think the bottom line is that even without ADHD, my son might not be motivated to put 100% in.  He might still forget things or let things slide here or there.  But because of ADHD, he’s unable to even reach the “bare minimum” level.  I need to learn where to push and where to leave it to him, but it’s tough.

I’d suggest enough hand holding to make sure she knows (and you know) her assignments.  For us, this means my son brings his planner to each class and his teachers check it every single day.  It means as soon as he walks in the door, I check that he has all the books and supplies he’ll need to complete the assignments.  Then I make sure he works on them.  I don’t necessarily look over everything (projects? yes, a few questions of math? no)

I’m hoping this is getting us closer to where we need to be.

Posted by Rai0414 on Nov 22, 2013 at 2:04am

I live this every day. I’m the only parent of an ADHD teen and I have ADHD myself. I have no backup. I have no place to escape. So I just keep trying to be the best I can be for me and him. I’m exhausted yes, but that’s parenting anyway isn’t it?
I recently told him that he’s now the driver in the thing called his life. He’s 13. I can’t make decisions for him and I’m not doing his school work for him. His choices are his. I’m just here as a guide. Putting him in control and giving him responsibility are paramount to him becoming a responsible adult. The fact is, even if he totally screws up school, he’s not doomed. He’ll figure things out and I’ll be there to guide him, but not do it for him. It’s his life to live and his mistakes he’ll learn from. I just have to know when to let go and when to help out.

Posted by adhdmom2000 on Nov 22, 2013 at 3:34am

Sometimes it feels better after you vent.  I noticed you did not say what you’ve done by way of meds or therapy for your DD, and it’s obvious that you are there for her and so concerned- you may not want the following advice, but for you or others in your situation, I have a couple of thoughts:

1.  Academically, do you have an idea of what your child should be capable of?  Has her performance gotten better or worse lately?  If you don’t know what she is capable of, consider testing.  It may give good insight into if accommodations are in order.
2.  Is your DD on meds and/or have you tried any behavioral interventions?  How long has she been symptomatic?  I ask because 13 and middle school is such a difficult time- maybe the hardest.  It could be time for a new evaluation and some new strategies.  My DD is 13 and we have / are using both meds and behavioral counseling for her.
3.  Sometimes one of the best things to do is look for our kids strengths and focus on these most of the time.  What does she love to do and/or do well?  Is she compassionate, artistic, musical, have an eye for fashion?  What ever it is, start now building up her strengths.  It will help both of you in the long run.
4.  Your job is to make sure she has treatment when necessary and accommodations when the treatment does not take care of the problem completely.  Your job is to model appropriate behavior so she can learn from you.  Your job is to have realistic expectations and teach her to set realistic goals for herself- high enough to make her stretch, but attainable and fun. 
5.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  Some things she may never master, and that is ok.  I had ADD as a kid, but was undiagnosed.  My backpack was a mess. My room was so filthy there were times I had to jump from the bed to the door to get out.  My grades were good, but relationships were the worst.  I was finally diagnosed as an adult, but in the meantime, I learned to handle friends.  I have a fantastic job.  I learned to hyperfocus with my ADD and use it to my advantage.  I now use computer tools and apps to make sure my bills are paid on time, so I even have a nice home and car.  Sometimes my house is a mess, but I am learning to organize.  That said, I think my purse and car will probably always be pretty messy.  BUT… it’s ok.  The most important thing I learned was to figure out your strengths, do what you love, and surround yourself with people who love you.

Posted by MollyMS on Nov 22, 2013 at 4:40am

I have a second response, too, to offer.  I know my child.  I know her strengths and weaknesses- her capabilities and problem areas, and I know what can be expected of her.  My responsibility overlaps her brain disorder.  It ends where normal child development takes off.  For me to learn where all of these different boundary areas are has taken a lot of study and asking questions.  I have an advantage over some because I am a social worker with a number of years education in child and adolescent development.  But I also wear out her physician, counselor and pdoc with questions.  I study for hours on the internet.  And I have worked literally since she was in diapers to build a good relationship and maintain a good relationship with my DD.  I use teachable moments to talk to her and keep her talking, and so far, so good.

Posted by MollyMS on Nov 22, 2013 at 4:54am

I have the same life. You are not alone. Whatever I do for my son doesn’t work . When I look at him I don’t know if I’m looking at my failure in helping him or should I just stop blaming myself. For me rewards can work on one thing not too many things during the day.frustrated:-(

Posted by adhdboy on Nov 22, 2013 at 5:43am

Yet another “you are not alone” here. I also felt like I was reading something I could have written myself. You’ve expressed my constant underlying internal dialogue. I have a 14 yr old son with ADHD. He was diagnosed after I was diagnosed (at 50) which opened up my eyes to him being something other than a ‘typical gifted boy’ as I heard from school up until that point.
He is Inattentive type, so was never a discipline problem and got straight A’s in elementary school. It was an academically rigorous middle school program that required a great deal more than just showing up that made it obvious we had a problem. School will do nothing to assist from their end. I have no help and it’s like the blind leading the blind around here. The addition of teenage stubbornness, hormones, etc…means that balls are dropping everyday.
He is brilliant, funny, musical, creative, intuitive, thoughtful and kind; but he didn’t use pen on a history exam and the teacher only gave him 50% credit on a test he scored 100% on! And there are so many ‘Missing’ assignments on his class grades, i can lose count. This is my life. I understand and empathize. Good luck!

Posted by Mars88 on Nov 22, 2013 at 10:55am

Oh I get it I totally get it, but mama, you have spun into your head and I think, if I may say so, lost perspective.

First, your job as a parent - your biggest and most important job - is to teach your child how to feel about herself.  What is she going to think and believe if you push push push and are frustrated with her?

Second, YES!  Trust your instincts!  No one in the world knows your daughter better than you.  So, as long as you are paying attention to her (and not the crazy inside your head that worries worries worries about stuff that really isn’t important, or under your control) you are going to do the right thing by her.  Remember your thoughts about how well she should be doing in school are YOUR thoughts.  Could you get her to adhere to goals YOU think she should be aspiring to, sure, if you push push push.  But at what expense?  And what are her hopes and dreams for herself?

The greatest gift a parent offers a child is to see who they really are deep down inside. If anxiety over her grades is getting in your way of seeing her, and this is not pollyanna only seeing the positive and rewarding good behavior stuff, then you need a shift.  I mean, all her good parts, all her goofs, what she likes and doesn’t like… only you know that, only you can truely see and let her know those things about herself are grand because they make up her.

Don’t let anything get in the way of your relationship.  She only gets one mother.  She will have lots of teachers and friends and tutors and boyfriends and bosses but she only gets one mother… don’t let anything get in between you. Including and especially homework!

Look, I am all for education. I have a graduate degree myself.  But her goals have to belong to her and you only need to shepherd her into the world successfully with her whole self as in tact as possible.  There is nothing more devastating than the disapproval of a parent, spoken or unspoken.  We may forget what it’s like to feel like your world is your parents, and don’t let her age fool you.  Acts like, looks like, postures like an adult - no, teens are great at appearances because they are aping grownup stuff but they are emotionally little kids inside.

So, yes, get her and organizer pro, or a tutor or hire a peer to call her every night to remind her what needs to be turned in or whatever.  Do what you have to do to remove those things from your relationship with her so that you can do your primary job which is to teach her to feel good about herself and the world.

Posted by YellaRyan on Nov 22, 2013 at 12:07pm

Wow, YellaRyan! Thank you for that! I know your note was meant for hitwcidb but I want you to know how grateful I am that you posted it. When I finished reading it I felt like yelling out “Amen!” And I’m not even religious. LOL

hitwcidb, when I first read your original post I could so relate to how you feel. I am also an adult with ADD and I have a 7 year old son with Tourette Syndrome/ADHD and occasional OCD, anxiety and sensory integration issues. He was struggling so badly at public school that I felt I had no choice but to pull him out and start homeschooling him for this school year - his 2nd grade year.

I’ve had such a difficult time these last 3 months. My own ADD which was minimally affecting my life previously has totally flared up. For the first month of our homeschool my son REFUSED to do any school work AT ALL. The mere mention of him doing any reading (even if it was just me reading aloud to him), writing or math immediately triggered a meltdown or an anxiety attack.

I panicked! During the summer I had made all these lesson plans and had all these ideas of educational activities we could do together and he wanted absolutely no part of it. Talk about a rude awakening.

The stress of constantly worrying that he was going to fall completely behind from his peers (which of course meant I was a crap teacher… AND mother) made me want to push him and nag him more and more. Then seeing his reaction I was like… this is crazy! What was the point of me pulling him out of public school if I’m going to make his life ever MORE miserable at home.

And then there’s my own ADD symptoms - difficulty getting motivated, difficulty starting and completing tasks, disorganized, easily overwhelmed…. Yikes!

Dr Russell Barkley always says (and I paraphrase) that a parent has to basically become the adhd child’s frontal lobe. How can I do that when my own is so clearly compromised?

In the end I decided, just like YellaRyan said, that it was more important to me that he feels nothing but unconditional love and acceptance from his Mom because let’s face it out in the world he will (and already has) face enough frustration, challenges and rejection. I backed off. Waaaay off. It was scary as hell and it still is all the time but I decided that I am Mom first and teacher second.

For a while he did VERY little. I am also homeschooling his sister who is 5 (and has her own anxiety and sensory issues) and he would watch us read, practice writing and math. And all he did was play video games, legos and Beyblades. All…. DAY…. LONG…. My husband was getting freaked out but I assured him that in my gut I felt this was the right thing to do right now. He needed time and I was going to give it to him.

Don’t think I wasn’t completely terrified as well. I doubted myself on a daily basis. Still, we carried on like that for almost a month and a half. Eventually, he got tired of his games. He saw my daughter and I have a great time learning and he eventually came to me and said: “I’m ready for a challenge. I’m ready to learn. What can I do?” I nearly fell off my chair but I was so relieved to hear him say that.

It is still a huge struggle to get any finished work out of him. I know he’s smart (and that’s not just my own bias. I’ve been told as much by just about anybody that comes into contact with him) and that intellectually he’s capable of a higher level of work but for right now my main priority is that he enjoys learning again. Public school turned learning into frustration and drudgery for him. He was smart enough to know he could not perform at the same level as his peers and he was starting to internalize this belief that he was “bad at learning” and “slow” - his words when I know better. 

Eventually I will get him a tutor that can work with him on the areas that he is really struggling with. I’ve realized that my role here is to be a facilitator to his learning process. To make sure I get him every resource that I can to help him along. But in the end it will be up to him to do the work. I can’t do that for him.

Obviously our situations are different but I want to second the suggestion to cut yourself and your daughter some slack. One of the hallmarks of add/adhd is inconsistency and poor follow through. All you can do is to continue to provide the external tools necessary to make up for that deficiency - agendas, reminders, tutors, deadlines… etc etc etc. and then hope for the best.

Is that defeatist? I don’t know. I think it’s more like accepting reality and making the best of it.

I hope this helps and I wish you and your daughter all the best. ((HUGS))

Posted by vsantiago on Nov 22, 2013 at 1:38pm

You really tugged at my heartstrings with this. I was lying in bed just last night and freaking out about the day when my house is empty and my two littles (who aren’t so little anymore) will be out on their own. Then I felt frantic about what my son with ADHD will do without me.

And yet, some days I am not worried and I have faith that he will be fine. Great even.

This special parenthood is tough! I think it’s natural for you to worry about her, but I also think you have to listen to her some and read into what she says some. At 13, she is probably saying she’s “fine” because she wants to be fine, she doesn’t want anything to be “wrong with her.” She probably is “fine,” but is fine okay? There’s room for improvement for all of us, ADHD or not. If you help her improve, could she be more than fine?

Ask her if it’s okay if you work out a system with her teachers privately so she can be sure to always know her assignments and upcoming tests. She probably doesn’t want to be called out in front of her peers so ask her teachers to email her each week with the agenda and upcoming assignments as an accommodation.

Take one improvement at a time so she doesn’t feel like you are trying to change her. My son, now 11, started asking me to stop trying to “change him” at about age 9. That was so hard to hear but eye-opening. In my mind I was trying to help him, but trying to change his ADHD struggles felt like trying to change who he is to him.

Try to help in subtle ways, but also trust that she is going to be fine with such a great parent in her corner.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Nov 22, 2013 at 6:48pm

This post was meant to serve at least three purposes.  Primary to me was to post something that allowed us just to consider the journey, not fix anything but “just talk for a moment” (as jessiela12887 said here:  http://connect.additudemag.com/groups/topic/8124/).  But also, of course, it felt good to vent and to seek validation that of course these are the things that any parent of an adhd child struggles with.  I just needed to shout it off the mountaintop and let the echoes from your voices wash over me.  And of course, the thing most readily provided here, was to get some tips or tricks, to hear how to tweak the nitty-gritty details.

Anyway, I’ve been meaning to post my comment all day, but keep getting distracted/pulled away.  To answer some of the nitty-gritty questions, yes my daughter has been on meds.  She was on Focalin XR but said it bothered her stomach so we are starting Concerta XR this weekend for her.  For ME, I’m on Strattera and Focalin, but my anxiety is starting to become a problem I think, and so I’m starting zoloft this weekend.  It’ll be an interesting weekend at my house!!

I have highlighted below some comments that really resonated with me.  I mean, they went   B O N G !!!!  in my head and my heart when I read them.  I want to thank you all for your input.  We are a powerful community.  I think we’re awesome, actually.  grin

@angevanek - “I struggle with this too…EVERY.DAY.” and “very reassuring to know that I’m not alone”

@Mae - “My 8-year old son is ADHD and I am ADHD with extreme anxiety. It looks like your anxiety is getting the best of you at the moment.”

@lmgw - “mostly I battle every day about my contribution to her life, am I helping her or am I hurting her by helping her.  How much is too much?  When do I stop?” and “I’m so overwhelmed with just thinking about her…that I lose focus on anything I need to do and keep in order.” and “Everyday I push myself to be a better mom.  But am I being a better mom?  Some days I think I really suck at this job.”  and “but it’s our job as parents to always be on the sidelines encouraging, pushing, reminding and worrying.  It’s called parenting.”

@cmullen17 - “Some days are just so exhausting with all of the stress and the worry.  Some days the fight is just too much.  You can only handle so much by yourself.”

@Rai0414 - “So many questions, so few answers” and “to a certain extent I have an advantage in that I can see what “normal” might look like.”  and “I need to learn where to push and where to leave it to him, but it’s tough.” and “I’d suggest enough hand holding to make sure she knows (and you know) her assignments.”

@adhdmom2000 - “I have no backup. I have no place to escape. So I just keep trying to be the best I can be for me and him. I’m exhausted yes, but that’s parenting anyway isn’t it?” and “I’m just here as a guide.” and “I just have to know when to let go and when to help out.”

@MollyMS - “Your job is to model appropriate behavior so she can learn from you.  Your job is to have realistic expectations and teach her to set realistic goals for herself- high enough to make her stretch, but attainable and fun.” and “That said, I think my purse and car will probably always be pretty messy.  BUT… it’s ok.”

@MollyMS - “I know my child.  I know her strengths and weaknesses- her capabilities and problem areas, and I know what can be expected of her.  My responsibility overlaps her brain disorder.  It ends where normal child development takes off.  For me to learn where all of these different boundary areas are has taken a lot of study and asking questions.”

@adhdboy - “When I look at him I don’t know if I’m looking at my failure in helping him or should I just stop blaming myself.”

@Mars88 - “You’ve expressed my constant underlying internal dialogue.” and “I have no help and it’s like the blind leading the blind around here. The addition of teenage stubbornness, hormones, etc…means that balls are dropping everyday.” and “This is my life.”

@YellaRyan - “you have spun into your head and I think, if I may say so, lost perspective.” and “First, your job as a parent - your biggest and most important job - is to teach your child how to feel about herself.” and “Second, YES!  Trust your instincts!” and “as long as you are paying attention to her…you are going to do the right thing by her.” and “Don’t let anything get in the way of your relationship.  She only gets one mother.  She will have lots of teachers and friends and tutors and boyfriends and bosses but she only gets one mother… don’t let anything get in between you. Including and especially homework!” and “you only need to shepherd her into the world successfully with her whole self as in tact as possible.” and “Do what you have to do to remove those things from your relationship with her so that you can do your primary job which is to teach her to feel good about herself and the world.”

@vsantiago - “And then there’s my own ADD symptoms - difficulty getting motivated, difficulty starting and completing tasks, disorganized, easily overwhelmed…. Yikes! Dr Russell Barkley always says (and I paraphrase) that a parent has to basically become the adhd child’s frontal lobe. How can I do that when my own is so clearly compromised?” and “in my gut I felt this was the right thing to do”

@Penny/adhdmomma - “At 13, she is probably saying she’s “fine” because she wants to be fine, she doesn’t want anything to be “wrong with her.” She probably is “fine,” but is fine okay? There’s room for improvement for all of us, ADHD or not. If you help her improve, could she be more than fine?” and “And yet, some days I am not worried and I have faith that he will be fine. Great even.”

I’m very proud of her, and I see her strengths and I see her beauty and I love her and I care more about our relationship than anything else, but also, as I heard on the radio this morning, a high school student talking about school reform, she was almost a drop out but things got turned around and she is doing great and she said, “They pushed me and made me better.”  I think we owe it to our kids to not give up on them, to be careful when we prod with love and humor and hope and determination, while foregoing desperation and irritation and disappointment.  We owe it to ourselves to trust our gut.  And to recognize when we have spun out and need our own pit stop, however we can manage one.  This stuff ain’t easy, that is for sure.

Posted by hitwcidb on Nov 23, 2013 at 2:50am

We are awesome… you are awesome… how much you (and everyone that responded to this post) love your child is so apparent… It amazes me how many people don’t reach out, don’t ask the questions, don’t look for ways to help their children.

Often it is because they don’t know how, they never saw it modeled, not because they don’t love their child…

Thanks for putting it out there and thanks for ADD connect for this forum.  It’s the best online community I have found for these types of discussions.

Posted by MollyMS on Nov 23, 2013 at 3:15am

The only thing I would like to add to all the wonderful, wonderful advice in this thread is to get yourself the book “SMART BUT SCATTERED” (There is one for children and adolescents and one for teens).  It’s one of the best books I have read to help my daughter (and me!) out.  Although I haven’t been tested, I have no doubt where my daughter gets her ADHD from…..

I echo the thanks for all the great advice in this thread… I can hear me in sooooo many of the posts.

Posted by Wynka on Nov 23, 2013 at 10:20pm

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