Couples With One ADHD Partner
Will he be able to handle a family?
I’ve been married to my ADHD husband for 1 1/2 years. Definitely not long enough for us to have really experienced every in and out of his ADHD, but long enough for me to have a general understanding of what I’m in for. He was just diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago so we’re still going through the process of trying to figure out which meds work best for him. I will say that he has been very involved and pro-active (well, as much as he can be) about his treatment and therapy. After reading a few of these blogs I feel very fortunate that he is a very high functioning ADHDer. He handles all our finances and does a great job and doesn’t overspend. Every once in a while he’ll surprise me with something nice like a special coffee or flowers. He really isn’t as bad as a lot of stories on here!
His biggest problem is angry outbursts…all the time. Probably two a day on average in the 4-ish hours we see each other after work and before bed. I’m confident he’ll never lay a hand on me, but the emotional abuse is almost impossible to deal with. I’ve already noticed an improvement with the meds he’s taken and hope that once we really find the right one he’ll be even better. There was even one full week that we didn’t have a single fight. That’s HUGE!!
Here’s my main concern:
We’ve been trying to start a family for a few months now. I am more than ready for kids and he has really shown me a true desire for them as well. After reading a lot of these blogs I’m understanding that ADHDers are not good with kids. The thought of him lashing out in anger at our future kids makes me sick to my stomach. I’ve been telling myself that by the time we get pregnant and get through 9 months he’ll have found the right medication and be much better. But will that be enough? Do even the most high functioning and level of ADHDers handle kids very well? I so badly want to believe that he’ll be a great dad - but I just don’t know anymore. I don’t trust that he will be a present father. I can deal with being the main caretaker; I’ve already taken on that role. I can change every diaper - I cannot stop him from an emotional, irrational outburst.
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