New Issue!

Spring 2017 Issue ADDitude magazine Read the 'ADHD Therapies That Work' issue now!

The New ADDitude Forums Are Live!

Reach our full community by posting to ADDitude's discussion forums here

ADHD Adults


how do u come outta denial n shame n the feeling that you will be defeated (if u admit you might have adhd)?......i have struggled with knowing sumthang hasnt been exactley right with me since ive been 15 im overly excitable n worry way more than the average person n i cant seem to finish one thing at a tym…...but im scared to"come outta my hiding place about it”....even doing this right now im thinking omg “wat am i doing on here”....idk wat do anymore


the first step is to confirm that you do or do not have ADHD, or ADD.
A lot of online self tests are good enough to get an idea if you are ADD or not.  That is where I started.

Then to my local doctor, then referred to an ADD specialist.
Note that the process maybe different in your area or country.

And there are many, many good articles on this website, so look around.

Posted by Bob from Cootamundra on Aug 10, 2014 at 9:22am

Screw shame! I’m not ashamed and you shouldn’t be either.  I didn’t ask for this. Neither did you or anyone here. It’s not your fault. Doesn’t mean anything in the long run except that you’ve got a tougher road ahead than most of the plodders.

At 52 I’ll admit I’m damn sick of fighting with it and what Bob writes above about a plan of attack is sound. You’ve got to know what it is you have to deal with.

However you might want to read through some of the postings here of people who look on the “positive side of ADD”. I don’t buy into most of it but that doesn’t mean anything. As you set off to battle this it’s all about you - what works for you: meds, meditation, diet, exercise, nutraceuticals - whatever. There’s plenty of information out there but due to the cornucopia of comorbidity that goes along with this condition every solution seems to be a highly personalized one.

Posted by ADDedValue62 on Aug 10, 2014 at 12:32pm

ty both for just now starting to go onlyn n research adhd(cuz ive stayed n denial for so long i reject nythang to do with it)n also its just down right overwelmimg all the things u read n hear about it(and nyone who suffers from this should know its hard to focus on one thing at a tym lol)
when i was in my 20s my doc said i needed to be on meds(which i dont lyk putting drugs into my body personally)....but now im nearing forty n i got 2 lil ones n im scared that my indecisivness n that being unorganized is highly going to effect them n lyf n my oldest is starting to show signs of it also….so i need a more natual route to take for us…i just hate to go to doctor in havea label thrown at us…most people who dont live with adhd dont understand the condition were not"crazy n off the wall"slurs lyk that bother me cuz im so hyper at work i cant set still or to be around crowds causes me anxiety….it hurts somtimes when people are joking asking"did u take crack this morning or leave ur memory n bed”..uhhgg its alot but i guess ive got to come to the conclusion i am different n its for a reason n i need to work on getting help….ty all for taking the time to read n respond to my post(this takes alot for me to be open about)due to being n denial so long…much luv n prayers to u all:)

Posted by beautifullybroken on Aug 10, 2014 at 6:50pm

Shame is a hard thing to work through, but it definitely can be done.  The suggestions already posted in responses are all helpful, and I would highlight the importance of working with a therapist.  I know it can be intimidating if you have never been in therapy before, but the difference it can make is enormous.  Just remember that it will take some time and patience to work through these feelings, but that it is absolutely worth it and can be done.

Posted by bburgastros82 on Aug 10, 2014 at 8:53pm

ty n i guess it just has to be baby steps at first..

Posted by beautifullybroken on Aug 10, 2014 at 8:55pm

Hi beautifullybroken!

First, here’s an online self-test for ADHD to see that you’re on the right track:

Read up on ADHD too. It sounds as if you’re not sure about ADHD medication. This primer on treating ADHD with medication might help you sort out fact from fiction and just how you feel about that type of treatment:

Dr. Hallowell offers good advice on managing shame when it comes to ADHD:

ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Aug 11, 2014 at 2:59pm

Shame doesn’t make any sense for ADHD - it’s genetic.  I might be ashamed of things I have done from time to time, but ADHD isn’t what I do - it is what I am and how I was born.  There are advantages and disadvantages to ADHD, but how this plays out depends on you as a whole person and how you live, not just the ADHD.  I also recommend getting a proper assessment, both for ADHD and Learning Disabilities.  You need to know what you are dealing with and where are your strengths as well as weaknesses.  ADHD is a disability and you cannot change it to fit your life, but you and those around you can change your life to fit the ADHD.

Posted by Cedar on Aug 12, 2014 at 4:16am

I know there are a lot of people who say that if we try hard we can overcome the ADHD behaviors. That we should just try to pay attention more, to think before we speak, to control our emotions, and to just stop being so negative.  When I said something like this to the lady leading my ADHD seminar, she replied:
“would you tell someone in a wheelchair they should try harder to walk?”

We have a short supply of neurotransmitters in our brains. Its a chemical problem, it needs a chemical solution. We didn’t do anything to bring this on, we were born with it. Should I be ashamed that I need to wear glasses?

After I was diagnosed, I was very hesitant to take medication. I spent a lot of time reading, going to seminars, blogs, webcasts, you name it. There are some behaviors you can try that will help with the symptoms (using schedules, practicing positive self-talk,and taking a mental photograph of where you put the keys). I also tried omega-3’s- they did nothing but give me fishy burps. Brain games are fun, but what is really helpful is the medication.

I’ve been on medication for one week now and already I’m noticing a difference. I am in control now. I am the one who is deciding which activity is more important and should be done first. I am the one who decides whether or not to think about any random thought that pops into my head. Maybe I’ll even be able to interact socially!

In short, don’t be afraid of medication, its necessary and helpful. There are people here who have been on the same medication for 20 years and having no side effect other than loss of appetite. Anyway, that’s why we have doctors- to figure out what will be the most helpful for you.

Posted by MorrisFluffyTail on Aug 13, 2014 at 4:40pm

Reply to this thread

You must be logged in to reply. To log in, click here.
Not a member? Join ADDConnect today. It's free and easy!

Not a member yet? Join here »

Search the ADDConnect Group Discussions