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felling lost

Hi I’m new to this group. First a little bit about my self I was diagnosed with adhd when I was a child. In a time when it was new. I was never fully aware of the condition so I went off my meds in high school.  Since then I was untreated.  Never considered it to be a source of a lot of my failings in life. And it has been a struggle. Never having a clue as to what I wanted to actually do I became a self taught jack of all trades. Finding since I had no degree in my skills I could not apply them to a career. I am constantly struggling with self doubt fear of failure and disappointment and constantly battling depression and negative thoughts. About 3 years ago I met someone and she convinced me to start getting treatment.  I am now on vyvance.  And sing a life councilor when ever I can afford it. We have been in a relationship for a year and a half and the first year I found my self telling white lies. Because of fear of disappointment and judgment.  And have failed to establish any goals and she is at the point where she loves me and wants to believe in me but due to lack of goals I’m still floating around.  It’s not that I’m not trying.  She can see my struggle and want to be there but she knows she can only support because I don’t want to be codependent on her to be able to stand on my own.
Recently she broke up with me because I was hyper focused on our relationship other than getting to where I need to be. She has been a very positive factor in my life and I love her dearly. I hate putting more on her from my problems with adhd. What do I need to do to pull my life together so I can function as a person. Right now I’m feeling bottom of the barrel and lost. I’m not sure how to get to where I want to be. I know what I want….well as close as I can get to knowing. But I get so overwhelmed by the day to day that I can barely function after work. I’m a hard worker and I’m hardly ever late to jobs. I usually stay at jobs for years and get nowhere in them. I find my self always on the defensive when it comes to any type of criticism. If this is scattered I do apologize.  I am constantly asked what do I want to do. I never have an answer. I’m 36 and can’t seem to ground myself to anything in order to move forward and get ahead in my life. I need some serious advice. To how to get some kind of normalcy in my life. And budget money , time and energy. Because I am really running out of ideas. I’ve read articles on this and I just can’t seem to get it into the groove

Replies

Thank you for sharing your struggle. The first thing you need to know since you are new here is that you are not alone. Myself and most of the people hear would tell you that at one time they felt the same way, in other words for someone with ADHD you sound pretty normal to me. I am 54yo and I still do not know what I am going to be when I grow up. It seems to me that it bothers you because you are not   ” normal”, for a person with ADHD normal is a setting on a clothes dryer. Does that mean that you will not be able to function in society or be able to live a fulfilling life. Not at all. Like it or not ADHD will be part of your life till you die. So a change in attitude is the first thing that will help you cope with your future. When you know and accept about yourself that you are still going to realize at the last minute that you left your wallet at home when you are at the grocery store checkout. You will be able to start going forward and having a better understanding of who you are.My wife loves me and accepts me for who I am, and ADD is part of who I am. Hold your head up and do not give up. life for you, and all the other people with ADHD is going to be a struggle sometimes. Prayer makes all the difference in the world for me. God bless you and do not give up.

Posted by Rancher John on Aug 01, 2014 at 3:38pm

Hey Cb I’m going through the same issues, yet I’m 28 I did graduate from college but I still don’t have a clue what to do about my life! I’m focusing on everything going on around me since I can’t get myself together! I’m truly disappointed in my self but I’m trying to work on not being negative!

Posted by Jjingram on Aug 02, 2014 at 1:20am

Well said, Rancher John!

Posted by co4mac on Aug 02, 2014 at 2:12pm

Listen my dear,  there is no way out of non sense thinking except tapping yourself on the shoulder and saying I don’t need this anymore.  I am not this crap going through my head.!!!!!
  We ADDers are really fabulous people to know and to love and to be around.  We really make life pretty great for others…. Become aware of who you are. Also make some serious notes as to who you are not.
Marianne Williams said, the fear of realizing ourselves is in truth the greatest fear we have.

Posted by jetergirl on Aug 02, 2014 at 10:16pm

Hi CB!  I was diagnosed late in life (50 years old) and have spent the last four years trying to figure all this out!  I read a lot about ADHD/ADD and have bought many books that have helped me to understand. After all this time a few things help me.
1.  TAKE IT EASY on yourself, try to change your perception each time you are negative.  for exp. I have been fired from myany jobs, I suck (this is how I think!! not you) SWITCH THINKING AND perception— { I am not the only person who has been fired, I can handle this, I know i will get a new job!! )  go from pain to power _ read the book “Feel the Fear and Do it anyway” by Susan jefers, Ph.D iTS amazing!!!
2.  I realize that I need to take one day at a time. I can only do something today,  I make a list a try to do ONE thing on it!  Seriously.
3.  Treat myself like I would treat a friend or another person.  I would never treat a friend like I treat myself.  I am practicing NOT beating myself up for everything.
4.  If you are in a relationship that is causing you to tell white lies.  Trust me, she is not the one for you.  ADDers need to have supportive relationships….GOD knows we are struggling and don’t need to have someone close to us with ANY expectations.  This is just the way it is. 
5. Just do the best you can everyday and remember that is good enough. Try to do something for others it will help you to get out of yourself.  Call a friend, volunteer somewhere, call a friend to take a walk or go to lunch.  Don’t isolate, our thinking becomes negative!!  Good luck!!  xoxox

Posted by freetobe on Aug 03, 2014 at 9:17pm

For what it is worth, I have found a few jobs that do suit me as an ADD person
- retail, as you are responding to each customer.  You cannot plan your day as every customer is different.  and you learn more and more as you go along.
- teaching, again, you respond to the people in the room and bounce off them.  Well, that is the way that I run a session. Each session has a story-line or a theme, and together we work our way along.  I do not stand and read a script!
These two jobs have randomness as a common factor.

Posted by Bob from Cootamundra on Aug 04, 2014 at 4:40am

Hi cbmorgan!

Being sensitive to criticism is very common for those with ADHD. Here are some strategies to understand and better handle that: http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/40/ and http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/5345.html.

It is possible to set and achieve goals with ADHD: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1635.html. Work with a therapist or an ADHD Coach to create a plan for the here and now, with some reasonable goals, so you can achieve some success.

Penny
ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Aug 04, 2014 at 1:23pm

Thank you everyone for the positive responses. Reading them has really helped me. And freetobe I will definitely check out that book.

Posted by cbmorgan on Aug 10, 2014 at 5:01pm

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