Hi I’m new to this group. First a little bit about my self I was diagnosed with adhd when I was a child. In a time when it was new. I was never fully aware of the condition so I went off my meds in high school. Since then I was untreated. Never considered it to be a source of a lot of my failings in life. And it has been a struggle. Never having a clue as to what I wanted to actually do I became a self taught jack of all trades. Finding since I had no degree in my skills I could not apply them to a career. I am constantly struggling with self doubt fear of failure and disappointment and constantly battling depression and negative thoughts. About 3 years ago I met someone and she convinced me to start getting treatment. I am now on vyvance. And sing a life councilor when ever I can afford it. We have been in a relationship for a year and a half and the first year I found my self telling white lies. Because of fear of disappointment and judgment. And have failed to establish any goals and she is at the point where she loves me and wants to believe in me but due to lack of goals I’m still floating around. It’s not that I’m not trying. She can see my struggle and want to be there but she knows she can only support because I don’t want to be codependent on her to be able to stand on my own.
Recently she broke up with me because I was hyper focused on our relationship other than getting to where I need to be. She has been a very positive factor in my life and I love her dearly. I hate putting more on her from my problems with adhd. What do I need to do to pull my life together so I can function as a person. Right now I’m feeling bottom of the barrel and lost. I’m not sure how to get to where I want to be. I know what I want….well as close as I can get to knowing. But I get so overwhelmed by the day to day that I can barely function after work. I’m a hard worker and I’m hardly ever late to jobs. I usually stay at jobs for years and get nowhere in them. I find my self always on the defensive when it comes to any type of criticism. If this is scattered I do apologize. I am constantly asked what do I want to do. I never have an answer. I’m 36 and can’t seem to ground myself to anything in order to move forward and get ahead in my life. I need some serious advice. To how to get some kind of normalcy in my life. And budget money , time and energy. Because I am really running out of ideas. I’ve read articles on this and I just can’t seem to get it into the groove
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