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ADHD in Women

marriage and add/adhd

My husband thinks he has to be my personal
data entry technician and treats me like I’m 4.
It really gets under my skin.Anyone else??

Replies

Your post reminded me so much of this Expert Q&A from a few years back that I just had to share it:

“My non-ADHD husband is always trying to teach me how to do household tasks, and he doesn’t understand why this upsets me. How do I talk to him about it without getting into a big fight?”
http://www.additudemag.com/adhdblogs/11/9154.html

I hope this helps!

Posted by Anni Rodgers on Jun 19, 2014 at 8:26pm

Some time ago, during my long term therapy, I asked my therapist about how to get things to run more smoothly at home.  You know, the cleaning chores, organizing things, repetitive maintenance items, all of the stuff that goes into having and maintaining a home.  He introduced me to “Flylady”.

Most of us were taught how to do the cleaning tasks, so it is not the skills that are missing; it is the doing things often enough and well enough to keep some semblance of order in our homes and, subsequently, in our lives.

I bought Flylady’s book, Sink Reflections, and not only have things improved, but other aspects of my life got better, too.

My husband spent 22 years in the US Navy, which taught him a lot about scheduling and cleaning.  “Field Day” was a weekly event for him for all of those 22 years, but I just didn’t “get it”.  With the “Sink Reflections” book, it made sense and I was able to develop my own plan for my home and use it effectively.

My husband tried to teach me things.  I resisted his efforts.  Now, however, he understands that I know what to do and how to do it.  It was the timing and organizing part that stumped me.  I asked him to help me with that and the whole thing came together.

Frankly, he says I do a better job with kitchen tasks than he does, but he is better at dealing with the deep cleaning of appliances.  I can handle the esthetics; he can handle the heavy tasks (moving furniture and the like).  We create a plan and then we work the plan.

Hubby and I have now been married for 47 years, so we did find a peaceful way to work out our differences. 

Both of you need to be willing to pick up the tasks that the other one does not do so well.  You both need to be willing to assist with things that just work better with two people working together.  Doing so saves time and energy, to say nothing of the reduction of time spent arguing over things.

It is important that neither of you demean the other with comments about the things that need doing.  It takes time and effort to make a home come together.  It does not happen all by itself.

I hope some of that is helpful.  Keep what works and just lose the rest.

Come back and tell us how you two are progressing!

Posted by Dianne in the Desert on Jun 20, 2014 at 5:39pm

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