ADHD in Women
so tired of being hated for something i can't control
I’m so tired of being hated and isolated because I’ve had adhd my whole life. I just started Vyvanse, and i love it. I feel in control and happy and want to share that happiness with my loved ones, but it’s been years of problems because nobody understood why i acted the way i did. Nobody understood that i have a brain condition that makes me act impulsively or say the wrong things. I just feel so unloved and isolated right now. I try to talk my mom but she just blames me for everything. My parents are yellers. Always have been. But I am so sensitive right now that I just break down crying when we try to talk. It’s not like i asked to be this way. It’s not like i was in the womb thinking, “hmm let’s wire the brain this way so i can cause as much bad shit as possible throughout my life”. My husband has only ever known unmedicated me. It’s been a hard six years. But i feel so good on the Vyvanse that maybe we can finally heal. We can finally communicate with each other without it being a fight. But last night, I was told by his brother that my in laws can’t stand me either. I was kicked out of school bc my adhd shined through one too many times, which is what prompted me to get treatment. My daughter is five years old and doesn’t respect me at all, probably because she has only ever known unmedicated mommy. I’m just going through such a hard emotional time right now bc i finally feel capable of having relationships, but nobody seems to want one with me. It’s painful to hear someone say “you’ve been horrible since I’ve known you”. It hurts when my little girl won’t pick up her toys and says “cant we just leave the house messy?“because that’s what she’s used to. Unorganized adhd chaos. I finally feel capable of getting our lives on track and it seems like nobody else is on board. Its so weird bc my med makes me feel happy, but my heart just feels alone. It’s bittersweet. Also, I have no idea how to get my life on track. How to teach my daughter to help around the house. How to heal my marriage when there’s so much resentment coming from my husband. How to repair the relationships with my mom and dad. I’m just alone. My adhd has pushed everyone i love away. And they all think i don’t love them. Can i fix this ? Or should i just cut my losses and not let them hurt me anymore?
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