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Parents of ADHD Children

son with adhd

my son had adhd seens k and he is know in fourth grade my problem i have with him is disaplan and him trying to be in charge all the time… Please help


My son is also in 4th and he is the same way. I don’t know that’s ADD, ODD or just 4th grade. He and I talk a lot about why he defies my husband and I. Sometimes I think its because he wants to be in charge and sometimes its because he is impulsive and doesn’t want to transition to a new activity. Sometimes its because he doesn’t like something because he also has sensory issues and it makes him physically uncomfortable and sometime its because he doesn’t understand the rational behind a task, but I get frustrated because instead of asking for an explanation or more information, he just refuses to do it. I guess there is one other circumstance. Sometime he starts a task, gets distracted and fails to complete it in a timely manner.

In the case of out-and-out defiance, I calmly (usually) give him the choice between doing or a consequence that it delivered immediately and make sure to follow through. That is also what I do in the case of impulse control and a refusal to transition, but I also try to give him a warning beforehand. Some time that works and sometimes not.

If its related to a sensory issue, I try to make the experience as comfortable as possible such as when he needs to spray his wiry hair down with water before combing it. He doesn’t like water running down his neck. I got him a sprayer that only shoots a fine mist. I also cut his hair short to keep grooming to a minimum. 

If I think he doesn’t understand, I still make him do the task and then we talk about it afterward. I remind him to ask if he doesn’t understand and not just defy us. Finally, we use a timer and visual cues to help him remember to stay on task. I also set a timer for myself to go and check on him periodically and to remind him by asking him the next step.

If he freaks out and gets frustrated, I try to remember his low tolerance and let him take a break to calm down. Then, we go back and finish the task. He also sees a therapist who helps him with anger management. Meds help too. He’s on a stimulant, Ritalin and a non-stimulant, Intuniv.

I hope at least some of this information is helpful to you. I wish you luck. Remember you have to stay calm if you want your child to stay calm.

Sue H in PC, Ohio

Posted by SueH on Sep 03, 2014 at 5:42pm

It’s tough to find successful discipline strategies when your child has ADHD. These articles provide many useful tips and ideas:

ADDconnect Moderator, Author & Mom to Tween Boy with ADHD and LDs

Posted by adhdmomma on Sep 04, 2014 at 1:52pm

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