I have the opposite. My 5 yr old was a disaster at school and better at home, though we did have lots of the same screaming matches.  He got in trouble on the playground and starting saying things like, “Nobody likes me, Everybody hates me Even God hates me” which of course pushed buttons because he is at a Catholic school and had the playground monitor about in tears.

I will say some counselors are not equipped to help children as young as ours.  We actually had our counselor tell us he couldn’t do anything more for us and referred us to a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist.  After I got over my frustration it really was the best thing because the counselor just wasn’t good with kids his age and we all knew that.  So if you aren’t getting anywhere with the counselor don’t be afraid to find a different one.

Also we have been working with an ABA (Applied Behavior Analyst).  We are just in the beginning of that process, so far they are just observing him in all his environments (home, clinical,and school) but they way I understand it, she is going to evaluate his behavior in those different environments and figure out where it is best, and how we can carry that good behavior to all environments. 

I went this route because I am trying to reintegrate my son back into the school where his twin brother and sister are (he is a triplet and had to be completely removed from school because of his outbursts).  I am happy to say he is doing great now that we have meds figured out and he has a better teacher (by better I mean one that understands his needs and has a classroom environment conducive to an ADD child)  I am hoping now that we have meds figured the ABA can help us see if next year for first grade he can be back in the same school with his bro and sis, and if he is going back which classroom would be best suited to his needs.  Fortunately the school is very open to having the ABA come in and make suggestions.

The ABA is also going to help us get an IEP/405 with the school district.  I understand that getting an IEP/405 in our district when your child is in private school can be a challenge, but that an ABA helps the process tremendously.

The last thing I will say and this has no clinical base, just my experience when I was teaching was that kids in general seem to be one or the other.  Either they are perfect at school and the parent is surprised that they are not getting in trouble. Or they are perfect at home and the parent is shocked when you call or send a note home saying their behavior was a problem.  It may be that she is holding it together at school, and by the time she gets home to what she realizes is a safe environment, she just can’t hold it together anymore and loses it.

Hang in there and keep reaching out for support. It wears on you as a mom for sure especially at the end of the day so make sure you have someone you can call on even if it is just on facebook or something.

Thanks for your input…..It just is crazy how someone can diagnose your child with this and then not give you some ideas of handling it…...its just like we go back there and nothing is getting accomplished…...It wears on parents thats for sure….especially when you have no answers

Hi there:
I’m so sorry for the roller-coaster ride that your whole family is enduring right now. It’s exhausting and not at all fun.

I’m not a medical professional, but it sounds like another evaluation is in order. Recently, the AAP passed new ADHD diagnosis that allow for evaluation, diagnosis, and treatment as young as 4 years old. They recommend behavior therapy as the first line of treatment for kids under 6, which could really help with the problems you’re experiencing at home.

Also, if you get a formal diagnosis and an IEP or 504 Plan that calls for rewards/incentives consistent with what you’re using at home. Consistency is key!

Finally, diet can also make a big difference, so introducing more protein, trying a fish-oil supplement, cutting down sugar, and getting your child outside for some play time immediately after school could also make your time at home more happy.

I hope this helps! Keep us updated.

Great comments. Anni is right on the money regarding new aap regulations. When, as a parent, you feel helpless, scared and useless, it’s easy to pick up and assume the weight of those emotions. I’d suggest stepping back and listing her positives: what makes her giggle like little girls should, what does she love beyond anything else. Does she have any passions, or lean toward talents?

Take that list and as part of your overall plan, beef up the areas that make her shine. Lead her, even if she doesn’t want it, towards supporting activities as a redirect. Allow her and, as backwards as it sounds, support her in the areas you see as chaotic but steer her towards making it “organized” chaos. Structure, structure, structure, which can be difficult, especially if it’s genetic and one of you struggle as well.

Never, ever, never give up hope. You can’t. Remind yourself as often as it takes that she is beautiful AS she is. That she’s made to do great things that change the world. Remind yourself when you feel like nothing is working that it’s your job and highest calling to help her find her way and discover what her talents are and support those efforts in every way.

You’ll do great. I know this cause you love her enough to seek help and support. You will feel at times you aren’t doing it right or your failing, but in those moments remember: you aren’t alone and you WILL make it through.

Hope this helps!
Daryl Andrews
Adhdfordummies.wordpress.com

I agree with the fact that further evaluation may be in order, but I do have a question for further investigation…  Does your DD take regular medication for her Asthma, and have you considered if her behavior could be the result of side effects of any of those meds if she does?

My DD has been on Singular since she was 3 (she is now 11) for allergies.  Singular is also prescribed for asthma.  Increasingly over the years she has been more anxious and negative.  (she was diagnosed with ADD last year).  Finally, it got to the point where she could not go to birthday parties and was having “pity parties” on a daily basis.  We talked to her doc about counseling. 

The counselor did a full assessment, including physical history.  She mentioned that Singular side effects can include behavior changes and anxiety.  We took her off, and the behavior changes have been amazing.  Almost six weeks now, and NO pity parties, and she has faced several situations that would have previously resulted in meltdowns.

I have since learned of a couple of parents with similar stories.  I also know that steroids can have behavioral side effects on some people.

I am not one that is against medicine.  I have learned my lesson, though, to be watchful for potential side effects, especially if if is a med that is taken on a daily, long term basis.  Often the changes can be subtle and sneak up on you.

best wishes in finding a solution for your family!

Just reading your replies have given me a sigh of relief… at least for the night. 

We too are just beginning this whole “ADHD” dilemma.  We too go to a private christian school who really hasn’t been much help.  I have had to push the issue because my sweet child who is social now is showing all sorts of anxiety and crying outburst from frustration, trouble with social behavior because he can’t “focus with all his friends around” (he has to be everyone’s friend) and is now constantly getting into trouble because he cannot focus without trying to make his friends “laugh” in class” because he can’t sit stll and focus on what he’s doing.  He says they are constantly trying to get his attention? His teacher has been useless herself because she’s great to say hes a sweet kid but there’s so much disruption.  I am to the point as the parent that i should hold my head in shame that my child is causing “trouble” because he’s too social.  He stands instead of sits. He interrupts because he doesn’t have patience.  among the other things.  But while dealing with this I see my child retreat as I can’t seem to control this situation for him.  My dr. has been the only support only simply with a diagnosis and a referral to a therapist who is more than willing to “listen” and suggest medicine.  On top of it, the EKG they did do has produced abnormal results so i’m awaiting from a cardiologist to top the concerns and wonder what we will do to help him with his ADHD and a possible heart condition.  i’m researching a behavior therapist as well as the fish oil.  He’s been on a strict diet and all the other many suggestions for over a year now.  What am i missing??? What do you do when a school is no help?  The only thing i can think of is take him out of school and home school which is in my mind more of a punishment? This is tough.  I hear you and i wish you the best.  Once i hear from my path- i’ll keep you in touch.

There are some self help natural seated yoga exercises and school study strategies for ADHD students in the video Being In Control : Natural Solutions for ADHD Dyslexia and Test Anxiety.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004RENW3C