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what can i do to help make my husband understand

im am 53 and just diagnosed with adhd/add.my husband does not beleave i can’t just stop this,he has not even tryed to read up on it,is there something to get for him to read or watch to help him,help us???????????

Replies

Hi,

One of the best books I have seen so far is ‘Delivered from Distraction’ by Dr.Hallowell. It also has the audio version, in case if he prefers it. Best of luck!

Posted by Ms.Wonderful on Feb 06, 2013 at 4:45pm

I looked online for weeks after my diagnosis and there is a lot of good info out there. YouTube has some informative videos, just search ADHD (adult). Get involved in these forums and discussions for support from others who really do understand. It’s a great feeling knowing how many of us are out there reaching out to each other and finally feeling like your not alone. As far as your husband goes from experience with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, it’s best to not throw to much Info on him at one time. As people with ADHD we tend to have a lot of Info going through our minds at a faster speed than most. It is exciting to finally know what has been wrong with you for so many years and to share that with the one you love is even more exciting because you want to explain the behaviors and traits that you were labeled for and identified with in negative ways weren’t your choice or fault as it appeared. Now that you know about the diagnosis you can help seperate what’s ADD and what’s you using the knowledge you will gain. Your husband is going to have to want to learn about the ADD in order to do it. Maybe if you offer the Info to him and leave it for his own time and decision he will respond better. I used to forward emails with links or info to my boyfriend then it was his choice to read it or not. He didn’t read everything but he did read some. Over time he may become more open to it but too much too fast may push him away from wanting to learn it. At least that’s my experience. You should learn as much as possible so that you can begin to shed the mask of undiagnosed ADD you were hidden behind for all these years. It’s time to love yourself And blossom into the person you know you are and have always been in your heart. A new world is ahead for you so stay positive and learn to love yourself and continue to blossom into that beautiful flower that you really are. Good luck and I am here with many others like you who support you and what your going through.

Posted by Awink32276 on Feb 06, 2013 at 8:31pm

For the last 10 years, I have tried my husband to understand both my son with ADHD and me with ADD, anxiety and chronic depression. He just won’t get it.

Posted by najn on Feb 06, 2013 at 8:40pm

How long have you been married?

Posted by CullyRay on Feb 06, 2013 at 10:11pm

Hi,
I have often heard that when it comes to disabilities, that men, fathers, husbands, have a hard time accepting that a loved one has a diagnosis.  I do not know why this is the case but it is so true.  Whether it is ADD/adhd or a different diagnosis, men appear to have an issue accepting it.  So let it go and maybe in time, he will come to believe on his own.

Posted by faughn54 on Feb 08, 2013 at 8:59pm

“ADD/ADHD and the Effect on Marriage”.  Greatest book EVER.  I’m non-ADD and my husband has ADD.  I had NO IDEA our 19 year marriage was riddled with the “ADD dance” (my description).  The book describes what it’s like to had ADD which was very beneficial for me and also describes what it’s like to be the non-ADD spouse; which was very validating for me and enlightening for him.  BUY TWO COPIES:  one for him and one for you.  Reading it doesn’t change things by itself but it is VERY VALIDATING and clarifying for both sides.  Good luck.  I’m glad you’re reaching out on this website.  I have found it to be a Godsend.

Posted by simondog on Feb 10, 2013 at 3:13am
Posted by simondog on Feb 10, 2013 at 3:13am

Becka59,
My husband also treats me different or he will say I am crazy etc…even though he himself has issues. I really feel he has something also but because I wanted to get help I got a diagnoses to change my life.

So just because I have a label he now thinks he is better then me when he is not any better. We both are loud, chaotic people. In fact the only reason we are together is because he needs me to do things for him and I don’t have any relatives on this island and I also didn’t want our children to have a broken home.

Since I have been with my husband I always had to fill out any type of paperwork for him like applications for jobs, or when you have to fill out papers at the doctors office. I also have to call and make all his appointments. He is grouchy and angry all the time. I can never just have a nice conversation with him at all. The minute I say anything negative he blows up and won’t listen. Even when he talks to people he doesn’t talk in the best English and it makes him sound like he is not bright. He also likes to put in his two cents like he knows more then anyone else. Yet just because I got diagnosed now he thinks he is the better person.

Today he was grumbling the house was dirty so I finally just told him that I don’t see him making any effort to help. He is just going to have to accept me the way I am because I have always accepted him and he is not an easy man to live with. Any other woman would have left him years ago. So Just hang in there and try to make him understand and let him know that nobody’s perfect.

Posted by Cowgirl50 on Feb 10, 2013 at 5:03am

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